You know. I’m really tired of writing these shitty posts with no truth or meaning in them. This time though, it’s real. It really bites me in the ass this time. It’s about how your friendship that you have cherished and honored for a long time, can suddenly die withing moments, and never come back, leaving your heart shattered in a million pieces. As I am writing this, I can’t hold back the tears.  How could that go wrong? We were best friends, well, at least to me we were… We had a great time together, up until now they are still the best moments in my life. I’m a girl, he’s a boy. How do you think – what went wrong? EVERYTHING. Love went in the middle of our friendship, but more importantly my wrongness did. He confessed to me that he really likes me, but he didn’t want to end our friendship, so that’s why he hadn’t said anything earlier. Oh, but he had. I just didn’t want to hear it at the time. I didn’t want to think about my life without him. I guess the joke’s on me, huh?

But if you have ever had a best friend of the opposite gender, you most likely can imagine the feeling that ran through my mind. I said the first thing that came to my mind – I said that I didn’t see him that way and that I never would, for crying out loud, I shouted it. And truth be told, I am not sure it was true at all. After this first time of me hearing about his feelings, we somehow both brushed it all off, and continued to live our lives being friends. He even caddied for me, and took me out for a concert, which is quite fancy, knowing that we were 12 years old. It was perfect, and I got caught up in the fantasy one day, and mailed him about that maybe I did feel something more than just friendship towards him. And right then, everything went wrong. Everyone suddenly thought that we were a couple. Everyone was calling me and asking about it, and I felt so scared. Every thing, every little freaking thing I hated about myself, crossed my mind. I was so afraid that everyone was judging me for not being good enough that I let go of the only person who never made me feel anything less than happy and worth it. That was the day, I regret the most from the things I’ve done in my life. I regret every word I said, and it is impossible to explain, how much it still bothers me. That day, at dance, I told him that I could never kiss you or be together with you, as it is disgusting to even imagine it happening. And that, right there, was the end of our friendship.

It was one and a half years ago, but he still denies to talk to me, and as I have switched schools since then, I haven’t even seen him. And I still miss him so much. I miss our friendship, I miss those silly summer days, and the all-round amazing human being you are. I miss the way you made me laugh, and the way I knew I could always count on you. I knew I blew it. I blew, all because of what others might think, when really you should have been the only person that matters. I am so sorry, and I know that I can’t blame it on “being just a human being” or “being so young and immature”, because this was a whole new level of ugliness I brought. It truly is the biggest mistake of my life, and even now, almost 2 years in since we last spoke, I can’t help but to cry myself to sleep every now and then (more than I’d like to admit, to be honest), and I can’t get the words I said out of my head. I am repulsed by myself for that day. And just in case, you ever read this. I want to let you know, that I am not expecting you to forgive me or want to have anything to do with me ever again, but I just thought that you should know, that I will never forget our friendship, and I will never forget you. The truest saying I’ve ever heard says “A real friend is hard to find, difficult to leave and impossible to forget.”


Again, I am sorry for being such a jerk to you,






-Mommy, is there magic in the world?- asked little Amy

-Yes, honey, it’s when sun is rising, leaves are colloring in autumn, when sky has that pink glow, it’s when we dream and when we believe- answered her mother Lily.

– So that means that magic is everywhere?-

-It’s pretty much so-

-But how can I tell when it’s magic.- Amy asked again.

– Just close your eyes, look in your heart, feel the answer going through your weins.- answered mother of little girl.

– Is love magic too? – amy wondered


Now Lily had to think…

– No, darling, love, love- it’s tragedy- you never know where to find it, you never see when it’s gone.- lily said.




What is the meaning of life?

I think that everyone has wondered: what is the meaning of life? This thought has totally occuped my head.


We have friends, which makes us rich, richer than we think we are. We may have financial crisis, but never let crisis in your head, soul and friendship. Materialism is oldfashioned, now it’s much better if you put your job, your attitude for what you do.

oh, c’mon. Let’s be realistic. We’ll never be in Hollywood earning millions by doing what we love to do and even that isn’t as easy as it looks. We always have more than one option, cause life’s what you make it. You can let it be hard or it can be a party, the choice is up to you. I think most of us would choose 2nd option.  With a little motivation we can do everything, you have to believe in your own dreams, otherwise – go and jump off the bridge, it’s not killing anybody. Because People who doesn’t believe in their own dreams are no people.


All the meaning is in what you believe in, all you love, it’s all in you, you have to let it out. Be yourself. Live like you are at the bottom, even when you are on the top- true.




So screw and fuck the crisis, believe in what you wan’t to believe.





So I had the best summer of my life. First the awesome Jonas Brothers concert in London, Wembley arena, then going on see on a big, big, boat, golf, bowling, friends, endless parties and fun, sun, adventures. I could talk about it hours, but I’ll post my summer diary. I’ll start tonight, later. I think I could post it all in 2 weeks, it’s really lot to talk about, my new poems, songs too. Actually this summer has been full of important things in my life. so please comment this post, by telling me about your summer.

So true.

I felt like I was trapped in one of those terrifying nightmares, the one where u have to run, run till your lungs burst but you can’t make your body move fast enough. My legs seemed to move slower, and slower as I fought my way trough the callous crowd, but the hands on the huge clok tower didn’t slow. With retentless, uncaring force they turned inexorably toward the end– the end of everything.

But this was no dream, and unlike the nighrmare I wasn’t running for my life, I was racing to save something infinitely more precious, my own life meant little to me today.

Alice had said that there was a good chance we would both die here. Perhaps the outcome would be different if she weren’t trapped by the brilliant sunlight. Only I was free to run across the crowded square.
But I couldn’t run fast enough….



I never thought I really will like this stuff, but these lines are so true. It just touched my heart.



By Stephenie Meyer New Moon Preface



Why should I change?

Sitting, thinking.

Why do I have to change?
For you?
Never. If you are changing for someone, then you just show that you are weak. But changing for yourself it’s more than normal mortal can do.

We just never think about ourselves,
more or less, it’s always the same- what others will think. Sure there are some people who think, that they don’t care. Yeah right.

MORE OR LESS, it is ALWAYS the same, and word always isn’t in friends with exceptions.

Sure, maybe this have no meaning to you, what I mean is – everybody can change, but it’s nothing if you do it for others, and it’s HUGE thing if you do it for urself.

I know nobody’s perfect- but it doesn’t change the fact, that there are many people out there, who are very close to perfect. But you know what? They are NOTHING, cuz you think- if someone is different he/she is a freak. But actually freaks are you. Robot-people, always the same things. running for fashion, but it’s so boring… So mortal.
Pesimistism is not bad thing, but it’s just way too wide in this world, optimism is past, now we live in sick, corrupted world, where money is everything, though nobody actually have good life with it. Because, where’s money, there’s dirt. And maybe all this shit, I wrote means nothing. But finally, after all this time, once I wrote what I think. And I don’t agree with people who agrees or disagrees with me. Cause I am different, even though you can’t see it, I do, And yesterday I saw that movie ”what a girl wants” and I totally agree, the hell I do with sentence ”Why do you try to fit in, if you are made to be different?”

And actually all my point is, the world wouldn’t be messed up like it is now, if we would be different from each other. So screw tendences, if we have our own head on shoulders,

together we can keep it real.

Thanks for attention..


Million laughs for one broken heart

I’m trying to breathe deep and forget all of those words,

I’ve been thinking trough and trough over again,

I’ll yell at your picture, but I’ll never be able to tell you how I really feel,

I’ll forget the reasons for all those things that matters,

But then only still pain will remain, It will yell at me again and again, the same old crap.


All the thousands of times I’ve been trying to make this right,

All the pain I’ve been putting myself trough,

Now there are just million laughs for one broken heart,

All the stories full of sadness,

All the tears on my pillows,

But at the end there are just million laughs for one broken heart.


Stop breathing my air, I wan’t to have my own space,

Keep Going away, I wan’t to have sunny days,

Stop tuning your lies, this is no race,

Keep seeking for truth, otherwise this was a waste.



All the thousands of times I’ve been trying to make this right,

All the pain I’ve been putting myself trough,

Now there are just million laughs for one broken heart,

All the stories full of sadness,

All the tears on my pillows,

But at the end there are just million laughs for one broken heart.

All the stories full of sadness,

All the tears on my pillows,

The pain, you’ve been putting me trough.


It’s done here, and everything’s over,

I’m going even lower,

This was like a bad tower to build,

Maybe something was just too wild,

When our feelings were killed.


This the end…and…

Now there are just million laughs for one broken heart.