Promises are just lies with pretty ribbons tied to them.

Promise – such a big word, we rarely keep.

Why do we need promises? To make someone stick around for long enough to lock them up.

He said I’ll never hurt you, so that means he  promised to stay with you forever. But forever never lasts, so as long as you know- that this is where you want to be now, if this moment is worth the pain at the end.

We humans are so weird. When someone says he loves you, you go ahead and believe. But at the end it’s all the same, meanless game, that had one hot spot.

Sometimes I wonder if not saying that you love someone would make it less painfull, but let’s be honest: If you tell or not tell someone that , that doesn’t make you feel any different. Maybe we are afraid that these 3 words, these simple 8 letters can scare someone off?! Well, if he doesn’t love he’s gonna leave anyway, if he does he’ll stay and make you happy.

There’s so much I can’t say when I look in your eyes, I’m worried you’ll reject me, and hurt my foolish pride, Each day this love grows stronger but I could never let you know, There is so much behind my smile, that I could never show, I’d hold you for a lifetime if you would let me in,I’d love you like no other, but you don’t understand, Everytime I see you, your holdin’ on to her, The pains like a knife, cutin’ deep in my soul, So I’ll dream of us together of just how it could be and all that you are will remain a silent part of me.


Why promise, if you know you can’t keep the promise? Why lie if you could tell the truth? We all have a lot to learn, and nobody knows nothing. Knowing maths, chemistry, physics etc. is not knowing about life, it’s knowing about stuff that takes your mind off the life, knowing about love, sorrow, pain and trust, friendship but most of all broken hearts – that’s what we should know, but we never will, if we’ll be like this. Sick, corrupted world.



Don’t judge me based upon how I used to be… I’ve changed. I’m no longer that little girl who’d do anything for your smile.

I used to die for your smile,

Thinking you’re my fairy tale,

I thought you’re something rare,

Real and very special.

But now I know you’re just another liar,

Thinking you’ve got it all,

You’ve built a feeling blocking wall,

That’s very sad, pal.

You made me feel like I need you,

I didn’t actually know who you are,

I was blinded by your smile,

A little more than just a while.

The things I thought I  want,

The things I thought I’ll never forget,

But actually you’re not the one I’m thinking of,

The guy you’ll never think of is the one I miss,

Because he didn’t blind me,

I see everything clear,

So go away and forget it,

I’m not that little girl, that would do anything for your smile.

I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at myself for believing you’re someone you’re not.




I would like to stay a secret, like walking in the dark, if no one knows you, no one cares, and no one breaks your heart.

It’s amazing how someone can break your heart just in few minutes, how your world falls apart just because of something that has been said. But what is worst? When you heart brakes or when you don’t know what it is- to love? Simple things are beautiful, when you say nothing, but he/she understands, when you smile, but friend knows you’re crying, when your jumping, but friend sees you’re falling. It comes naturally, it’s your attitude + loyality + trust = the perfect recepe. Black and white,white and black, simple- but beautiful, sky and grass, water and trees, Ice and snow, snow and ice- simple things make life beautiful. They are simple only after a hard work, you have to LIVE for that, you have to focus and stop being egoistic. Thank you, Laura, that you’re my friend, simple- but beautiful.

2part of this post.


Sometimes I wonder if I didn’t talk, if I didn’t know people, losing them would hurt less? Would it? I don’t know, but there’s just too much to give up, I’m not losing this fight, I’m just injured, but I’ll recover and then you’ll see where the devil comes from.


Behind my smile is a hurting heart, Behind my laughs I’m falling apart , Look at me closely and you will see- The girl I am just isn’t me

It’s funny, how when we hide no one sees, it’s amazing how lies can make them believe, or maybe they just don’t really care. All life we live with masks, with that discusting smiling, when you should have been crying.. Trying to be strong, huh? Trying to remain still, huh? Funny. You kill yourself inside just so no one sees. The pain, that causes everything in your life, that smile, that doesn’t reach your eyes, those laughs that are histerically trying to hide the truth. All those unbelievable S.O.S. signals from your eyes, that are ignored. Where do you gain your strenght? I know the answer, it’s in me, I gain it nowhere. I’m taking my reserves… I’m smiling just that I don’t have to talk about it … I’m breathing just that I don’t cause this pain for others.. I’m out of breath, I’m deadly tired and I hate lying all the time, I hate smiling even though I CAN’T, but I do..I do wake up in mornings, I face the challenges the life gives to me.. But as always everything’s hidden in my eyes, hidden from the world, trying to hide it from myself… The mask, that never drops, the truth that’ll never reach my eyes. Smile is no smile if you put the corners of your mouth up, it’s just a motion… It’s also emotion and feelings, something I’ll never show.

only by

Hey,what’s up everyone?

Hey, hey. Can you imagine this, this is not another sick and sad post like usually. I actually wanted to ask you – if it’s getting too much- all that sadness and stuff? I mean, I really feel everything I’m writing, it’s inside me, it’s my life, but it’s probably kinda boring for ya, isn’t it ? So there’s my question- Should I or should I not make my happy posts too? My life’s not that terrible, you know. 😀 Please, please answer, or all you’re ever going to get are my problems and songs, all about the losses, the pain and stuff. So yeah, waitin’ for answers here, dudes.



If tears could build a stairway, and memories a lane, I’d walk straight up to heaven and bring you home again. (:

 I know it’s been several years since I last saw you.. But I still miss you.. You were the only one to understand me.. the only one to support me.. I can’t believe I didn’t know this before, I can’t believe I didn’t say goodbye. I miss you… and if there would anything I could do to just see and hug you one more time, I’d do that.. It’s funny how people forget each other, but I could never forget you… even though it’s been 7 years already, I don’t really remember your face, but I remember your smile, I remember our conversations, I remember all the stupid things you’ve done, all the times my parent’s helped you out.. I’m so sad, that you didn’t have time to do all the things you promised.. You said when you got your drivers license, you would drive me to the places I wanted to go.. I remember when you stayed at our house, I played your phone.. I remember how you were getting ready for a date, I remember it all.. I just wish I’d had more time with you.. I wish I could still call you time by time.. I wish that I could tell you how much I love you,  I wish that I didn’t remember the last time I saw you… but I do and it kills me.. You were going to Moscow to study and I told you I hate you, but hell, I didnt mean it, I LOVE YOU, I LOOVE YOUU, YOU HEAR ME?’ I can’t believe I didn’t know you were gone for almost two years, I was little and I believed when my mom told me you were gone to study.. You were only 21… why did you have to go? Why did you have to leave? I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW- I love you, I always will. You were the best cousin I could ever want, i love you, Richard. You are the best I had…I miss you every single night, when I wonder how would it be if you were here.

I love you. I miss you . Jenn.



We always thought we’d look back on our tears and laugh, but we never thought we’d look back on our laughter and cry.

Some people say that friendship can’t be broken. Maybe they’re right, maybe people we loose are actually not our friends… They just use you until new company… But you never know and you’ll never believe them when they answer you.. You sit and think for several hours, til you realize that this just doesn’t make any sense… You have a fight, after three weeks you “are friends again”, because you’ve missed each other, but then you don’t care again. How does that make sence? But actually what does make sence? And then you make it look like I’m guilty. What about you stop being so egoistic for 10 seconds and think if really I’m the only one to blame? I cared and I care, but you don’t. THAT’S THE TRUTH! I’m not the one who’s childish here, childish are the things I hear from others, childish are people who talks them, cause they don’t even fucking know me… And now, you’ve got your old friends back, the ones you’ve said so much bad about, the ones who didn’t fucking care, or you didnt (whatever).. and now you don’t need me.. So easy to throw away someone you don’t need, isn’t it? Just tell me why did you need that big theathre – i miss you, bla,bla,bla… Yeah right… You don’t care.. Everything you’ve told me seems so wrong now, but theory finally makes sence. But don’t worry I’ll get fucking out of your life, just as you wish… Just when you decide to play theatre again, don’t talk to me.. Cause the way I feel and remember our friendship will never change, but I don’t need a theathre to get to thrown away and get hurt again. but I won’t tell anything more, cause I don’t mean to start a war.