Don’t try to reason with your heart or feel with your mind. For just as the heart knows no logic, the mind can’t lead you to your soul.

Our whole life is filled with decisions. You chose everything – you chose the clothes you wear, you chose the music you listen to, you chose friends you talk to and everything else in the world. Life is full of opportunities, it’s just the matter of fact wether you make the right choice or not.  It’s fine when you make mistakes on small things, but do you do when your choice is gonna affect your whole life? You think it trough, over and over again… and again- but you can never know if that’s the right choice for you, unless it’s too late to change something. Children rarely make their own decisions- parents do it for them, I kinda blame them for the fact that I don’t know what I have to do. Cause if I have no practice and then BOOM and I have to make the biggest move in my life yet. I have worked really hard on my thing, but then… I mean – now I don’t know if that’s what I want to do, if that’s where I have a chance to be on the top. All I need is time, but I don’t have it, so I’m gonna go with my intuition + my heart choice. I know I’m gonna feel fustrated and annoyed by the choice sometimes… but I’m gonna keep moving… I’m gonna fucking make it! Cause I’m strong enough, and I do believe in myself.

 

 

keep on rocking! :))

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So this is odd, the painful realization that has all gone wrong… And nobody cares at all…

You know, it’s hard enough when you have no relationship with your father, but when your mother bails on you… I feel like dying inside. I hate my life, I hate my everything. How is this even fair?

Am I some kind of slave? Why does everyone think that my life is so easy. wanna hear my day?

I wake up. I go to school. I study. I come home. I study. you know the whole AP thing is not helping. 

I just didn’t clean the citchen, cause I was so tired, I couldn’t stand- and now… well, I’ll tell you what’s now – When I tryed to take and read the newest magazine , she said: Those are mine.  I can’t touch anything in this house now, and I can’t go anywhere..

My sister does nothing, but annoying me.. on purpose… my dad, well, he just doesn’t give a shit about me, and my mom now doesn’t care either.

why?

Cause I’m the stupid -i don’t know what’ , that does nothing, but eat, yell, eat, yell and get carpooled to school (my mom said that sentence) – well, maybe I should give them a reward?

FUCK YOU ALL. I’m tired with trying to apologize, for  what I’m not even that guilty. I’m sick of crying myself to sleep, cause my life is miserable, I’m fucking done with trying to please anyone- cause I don’t need them, I don’t fucking give a shit anymore…

Is wanting a family that wants you is too much to ask for? What have I done so so wrong, to deserve life like this? why can’t I have something, something to chose from – I don’t have anyone I can relay on. I seriously, have no idea what to do now… I’m just feeling broken inside, I feel that I’m bleeding, and my tears are running down my cheeks to tell me one more time that  I have nothing left.

 

Cause I could go to my grandma’s , but then a new scandal will come, and they live too close to home. I need to get away, I need something, somewhere to go…. I don’t know what to do… all I know is I have no one who cares…….

You ask me, how am I? Well I’m still standing, aren’t I? That’s something, that’s one thing that’s gone my way…

Walls are closing in, I feel like I’m going to die, I don’t know why, but everything’s going wrong. I’m always too late for something, I always miss what’s important- I don’t know how to live, I don’t know what it is to live. I want to just pull myself together and forget about them all, I’m tired of hearing that I can’t, cause I know myself- I can reach out for the  stars, I can wave my hands and fly, in my dreams. I don’t need to hear how stupid, dumb, immature, weird etc. I am – cause I know that, I’ve been listening to all those things for my whole life. But you know what ? I’m done with it!! I’m done with trying to please others, I’m done with trying to step forward- I don’t need it. I can do it for myself, and I don’t have to tell anyone. I’m fine on my own, cause everyone else seems to be making me cry. I’m tired…. I’m.. I’m… Nothing’s going my way… well, but I’m standing aren’t I? That’s one thing that has gone my way.

___

next posts will go under a section called ‘imagine’, that means  that I read a quote, I love it and I write what comes on my mind when I read it. 🙂

oh and btw. for my sunshine:

Suicide is mans way of telling God you can’t fire me .. i quit

I know I felt happy, but I cant live from one person. One heals and eeverybody shoots. I don’t know, maybe, I look like a live target? Why does everyone keep doing this to me? What have I done wrong to sit in the corner and quietly cry on a friday night? What if I don’t want to sacrifise myself for your egos?

My sunshine and I we’re keeping our world together, but what happens while we’re apart?

I feel like running away, like leaving everything that’s here, I could drive without looking back or having an exact destination, I just want to get away.

Human is egoistic, bitchy being, they do everything for themselves, they call weird people, that are different. But c’mon I don’t want to be like everyone. If I wanted a clone I’d tell, but believe me I don’t.

if you’re ready to kill your family just to feel better, that’s weird.

And why, why, WHY people look at others from above? What have they done to think they are better than others? What do they get from that? Coolness, style, popularity? Well, if that’s what it’s all about, I don’t need any of those shits.

I know it makes you mad, but I don’t need you to feel fine, just leave me the fuck alone and get lost [!!]

Just don’t fall out of your throne, you may broke something, honey.

Because once upon a time, we were best friends. And, yes, there’s been a lot of bad stuff in between. But none of that matters right now, okay? You need me, I’m there. Any time, any place, anywhere

Hey, my friend. I’m writing this for you. I know that nothing is as it used to be, we’re not so close anymore, cause we both had our problems, we both had our fights, but still I want you to hear me out now.

Yes, there is a difference between terms – friends and best friends, and even tough we’re friends now, I want you to know.

I’m still here if you need me, I’m still here where you need me. You just have to call me and let me know and I’ll be there. I wish I could make you laugh everyday, but you have others for that, but I dont mind being the shoulder you cry on, the person who cares, cause I do… I don’t know why you’d think otherwise. And you have to know, that I still rhink about you as my soulmate, that’s why you can trust me.
Trust me your heart and soul, I’ll never break it. Trust me your pain and your sorrow – I’ll destroy ’em. Trust me your happiness and friendship – I’ll never give them away.

I’ll hold your hand til the end, I’ll never let you go, as long as you want me to stay – I’ll never hurt you and I will always care- so where is your problem?

you have other best friends now?

well, I still can be just the shoulder you cry on.

You know it’s right when no matter what you’re doing or what kind of mood you’re in, he can make you smile.

The way you make me feel when I’m mad. The way you shine upon me when I’m crying. The way that you see me when I’m invisible.. is the way I want to live.

I know this is right, cause you always make me smile, you always keep me happy, still taking nothing from me, I just cant believe I didn’t see this before, I lived so close to you, but I could never see you that way. And then came the day we both finally seen each other for real, the day we realized we know each other so well, the day I realized I love you, baby.

Now I call you my sunshine, now I feel your warmth, now everything is better cause you’re always here, my sunshine.

1+1=2

It’s a simple math, that fills our hearts.

U + I= WE

it’s a simple rearranging alphabeth, that makes us feel better.

LOVE

a simple word, that can make us soar.

I never thought I’d meet you, my sunshine

I never thought…. I never needed to… cause I just feel you, sunshine! (sun)