just wondering

You know, there is one thing I hate about people- that some people feel so offended when there’s just no reason.  I just can’t handle that, I get soo angry. Cause why should I apologize for something you make up in your mind yourself? C’mon you can’t always be right and you have to admit it, not feel so offended and not talk to someone just because you’re not feeling well. You know what? FUCK YOU! I don’t need persons, who can’t even stay real, they have to make an elephant out of little fly.. They make it up and tell everyone their story, and you’re the bad one. Haha, those people are just plain assholes.

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Mēs jau nedomājam

Katru dienu steigā ejot garām,

tevi un tavus sapņus stumjot malā,

es nepamanu cik ļoti svarīgi ir nepazust,

es nezinu cik dārgs var būt laiks.

Katra sekundes simtdaļa,

Katra minūtes tūkstošdaļa,

katrs mirklis, katra mūžība,

katra vērtība un dzīvība,

cik svarīgs ir tas, kas mēs esam

cik dižens ir tas, ko mēs mīlam.

Mēs jau nedomājam, ka dzīve var beigties,

Mēs neticam, ka kādreiz tas notiks,

Neaptverami tas šķiet mums, ka pasaulē būs sprādziens,

Maiju kalendāra beigās izmisis kliedziens,

Citā iespējamā dienā atmodies vulkāns,

Daba pakļauj mūs briesmām, bet mēs jau neapjēdzam,

ka pats trakākais ir ceļš uz pašiznīcību.

Katru dienu lēni ejot,

Katru mirkli, sekundi baudot,

Es ticu, ka diena šī nav pēdējā,

Bet dzīvošu to es tā,

It kā man vairāk nebūtu,

Dzīvošu es tā, līdz tam mirklim,

kad man… kad manis vairs nebūs

Mēs jau nedomājam, ka tas brīdis pienāks drīz,

Mēs jau nezinam, ka tas pielavīsies bez brīdinājuma,

Un arī kliedzieni šajā melnajā caurumā,

Draudīgi čuksti šajā tumšajā klusumā,

Mēs jau nedomājam. ka tas brīdis pienāks tik drīz.

Diary of life: entry 3: “When you need something to believe in, start with yourself.”

Today there are lot of thoughts running in my head.. I’ve changed everything – I’ve changed myself, I’ve changed my plans and I’ve changed my mind. So idea for this post comes from my essay, no, not because I write this in my essay, but, because of my mark, because of the way I did it. So this school year is very important, I promised myself to do every single homework, listen to teachers, study hard and get great grades… And when we had to write an essay, the first lesson of the school year, I just believed that I could do it, I told myself I can do it, and I did it. I always had problems with my latvian grammar, but here I was, I wrote the whole thing great, I was surprised by myself, it was like a moment of oblivilion. I realized that we can do so much more than we think we can, we have to believe DO! We have to try our best, not seek the fastest way out of problems. Stressing won’t help, believe me, so today I want to give you this quote that totally runs my life now, I feel great and my grades are great:

 “Your success depends mainly upon what you think of yourself and whether you believe in yourself.”

why?why!why.

Have you ever thought – why are we here? What is the reason of being… of existing? I was wondering the other day, why do we not appreciate what we have, cause we have so much more than we deserve.

I was thinking, how amazing it is, that from being animals with wooden sticks as pretty much everything, we have come so far to being who we are today, and honestly, only now I start to understand how much great stuff life has given me, so I want to give you an advice, when you think you’ve got nothing, try to think about all the small things you usually don’t notice, cause small things make as big difference as the big ones.

peace. 🙂

It’s one thing to make the same mistake twice. It’s another thing to make it all your life.

After a tragical day, I started thinking. Why is everything the way it is? Is it because I’m awful? Is it because I’m wrong? Or maybe cause I just don’t know who I am anymore… I’m thinking about taking the mask off, I wan’t to be myself again… only I don’t know how anymore… I’ve built such a protection shield around me, so that no one can hurt me, but it still doesn’t work.. of course, it may be worse… I wan’t to let my guard down, I want to be true again, I’m just too scared that I’d be hurt again.. I wonder if it’s because I’m dumb, I wonder if it’s because I’m alone. Or maybe I just want to be a person? When I look at people I just don’t see the conection between them and me, cause I’m so much different.. But I’m done with trying to pull myself together, I’m done with being alone, I’m done with my life. I’m starting a new one!