Doctors think a lot of patients are cured who have simply quit in disgust. ~Don Herold

I got a trauma about 5 weeks ago, for few days it did hurt, but then the paing stopped. After a while I had some blocking in my knee, the pain was back. So I went to doctor (have no idea why), he said it’s definately the meniscus tear and I need a surgery, but I, who is terribly afraid of needles and surgeries, decided to check if that’s really necessary by having MRI test, well it showed that everything is just fine. I went back to the doctors and he came up with three possible problems, but he never made a diagnosis, no, instead of that he told me that if it doesn’t get better in few weeks I’ll have to do the surgery. It’s been few days since the last appointment, after I went to school for the first time in few weeks it’s only getting worse – it hurts real bad and it swells. So basically there’s nothing wrong with my leg, except everything?! How can I go to school if it’s even hard to walk?Honestly right now it hurts when I don’t even move the leg. And the worst is that if I don’t go to school now I get kicked out (let me point out that my grades in last semester were excellent!), right now I have missed a lot so my teacher said that I CAN’T not go to school anymore. Right now I honestly have no idea what to do, because I can’t ruin my health even more, the knee is getting worse, but really is there a point in going to another doctor? Because I’m really about to kill someone if I don’t get my diagnosis, I’m paying money to doctors, I’m paying money for tests, but at the end it’s “it could be that or that or whatever” and this is not the first time. Usually I just give up on doctors and try to ignore the problem. But how can I do any sports with a knee problem? How can I walk normally? This is just so insane, the medicine has become so advaced but still it’s often very primitive. If making diagnosis is too hard maybe they should consider a career change? I’m really sorry for this blog post , I know it’s not my usual style of writing, but I’m really in search for help, cause right now I feel confused and pissed off.


Glimpse of inspiration #3



If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.  ~Mary Engelbreit

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.  ~Victor Frankl

When you are through changing, you are through.  ~Bruce Barton

If nothing ever changed, there’d be no butterflies.  ~Author Unknown

All change is not growth, as all movement is not forward. ~Ellen Glasgow

Change before you have to. ~Jack Welch

If you’re in a bad situation, don’t worry it’ll change. If you’re in a good situation, don’t worry it’ll change. ~John A. Simone, Sr.

It’s the most unhappy people who most fear change. ~Mignon McLaughlin

Never believe that a few caring people can’t change the world. For, indeed, that’s all who ever have. ~Margaret Mead

Sometimes its the smallest decisions that can change your life forever. ~Keri Russell

Things do not change; we change. ~Henry David Thoreau

You must welcome change as the rule but not as your ruler.~Denis Waitley

Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them – that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like. ~Lao Tzu

Colors, like features, follow the changes of the emotions. ~Pablo Picasso

They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself. ~Andy Warhol

The changes in our life must come from the impossibility to live otherwise than according to the demands of our conscience not from our mental resolution to try a new form of life. ~Leo Tolstoy

I disagree with a lot of those changes, however at the end of the day – I go down to recruit graduation at least once or twice a year. ~R. Lee Ermey

Worldly fame is but a breath of wind that blows now this way, and now that, and changes name as it changes direction.
~Dante Alighieri

I think education is both using and improving knowledge and that changes the whole picture. ~
William Glasser

One changes from day to day, and… after a few years have passed one has completely altered. ~George Sand

God, life changes faster than you think. ~Amy Tan

We all have big changes in our lives that are more or less a second chance. ~Harrison Ford

The writer catches the changes of his mind on the hop. Growth is exciting; growth is dynamic and alarming. Growth of the soul, growth of the mind. ~Vita Sackville-West

I don’t think anything changes until ideas change. The usual American viewpoint is to believe that something is wrong with the person. ~James Hillman

You wait for fate to bring about the changes in life which you should be bringing about by yourself. ~Doug Coupland

Just when I think I have learned the way to live, life changes. ~Hugh Prather

The solution to a problem changes the nature of the problem. ~John Peers

Anything that changes your values changes your behavior. ~George A. Sheehan

I accepted a change in my life. I didn’t choose that change and those are the best changes to make. ~Michelle Shocked~

It would probably take me an hour to two to write it down, get the feel of it, and that’s with quite a few changes. It’s not really a hard thing for me to do. ~Ben E. King

When the truth changes from your speaking, you know you have told the truth. ~Ray Blanton

It’s easier to change what you do than people think it is. If you don’t change, your field changes around you. ~Walter Gilbert~

When you do find humor in trying times, one of the first and most important changes you experience is that you see your perplexing problems in a new way – you suddenly have a new perspective on them. ~Allen Klein

You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.

How does it feel to please everyone? Please tell me cause I seriously have no idea. I know I used to care what people thought, I used to care what people said, but not anymore. I am MYSELF now,  I stand up for what I believe in! I fight for what I want and I say what I mean. It’s just so funny to look at the ‘besties’ who are pleasing each other but when one turns back the other spreads rumors and talks bullshit. It actually kind of amuses me to watch all of those manufactured friendships…what’s the point of those? Oh, let me tell you, because those people are afraid to be alone, and you know what that means? That means they are afraid of themselves. All that kissing and hugging when you actually want to stab the person, that’s lame. Drinking, smoking at 14,15,16…. WHAT THE HELL? You think that’s cool? Well I DON’T, so fuck off with your statements about me being lame. You think you hate me but I dont care.You’ll ask me why, cause you are so cool (at least you think so) – well because, my dear, you are NOBODY, nobody worth listening to. I actually feel sorry for you all, ‘high society’, oh my god, ten years from now you’ll probably understand that. I’ve been there, I’ve been a part of that, but thank god, I was lead to the right path, I’ve changed, I’ve grown, I’ve matured, I feel ME. I’m not going to please you, I’ll say what I want to, without caring you wouldn’t talk to me. Just get over yourself, okay? But still I’m not thinking bad about you, no, I’m just repeating what Jesus said “Father, they don’t know what they’re doing”, because thinking bad just messes my head with bad thoughts, and I’m not going to let you to screw me in any ways. So go ahead talk shit about me, don’t talk with me, I really do not care, but don’t be surprised when I talk to you with a smile on my face, if I tell you to get well soon or I offer you to help with your studies, that’s just my way of expressing my feelings for you, which are feeling sorry for you. Cause you are not punished for your anger, you are punished by your anger.

The moral is stand up for what you believe in, fight for what you need, do what you want. You’ll have enemies, n0, actually, you’ll have people that’ll consider you their enemy, but look at them and in your mind say “Father, they don’t know what they’re doing”, smile and wish them all the best. 99% of our thoughts of today is repetition of our thoughts of yesterday, and if you curse them all, that sounds bad, right? So be more mature, be more reasonable. Don’t hate people, don’t pay attention to what they say about you, especially, when they can’t say that in your face, because that means they are weak and really immature. BE YOURSELF AND LOVE IT! Don’t be afraid to spend time alone, that’s the quality time, I’m glad to stay alone now, I’ve been trying to fit in for years, but now I just know where I have to be.

What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself.

The other day I told my friend “you don’t even know me”, she answered “Neither do you.”. That was really a moment of enlightenment for me. What is knowing yourself exactly? I mean I know what I like to eat, I know what I want to do, where I want to go, I do know myself well. Heck no. All my years of life (not too many thank god) I’ve spent hating myself, looking for flaws in myself, not being happy with who I am, trying to change myself. But how can I do either of those if I don’t actually know who I am? That’s not fair, now, is it? So let’s start with how to find a way to getting to know yourself.

I know I often accuse people for being egoistic and self-centred. But what really is egoist? Egoist is a person who doesn’t let people act selfishly on them. So basically being an egoist is a good thing ( reasonably of course). ‘Changing yourself”, ‘loving yourself’ – these are some strong words, so we may start with ‘knowing yourself’ first, right?

What is knowing yourself? Knowing yourself means understanding where you stand in life, where you want to go with your life and who are you in life. Life is what you make it, so make it rock! If person complains all the time, that person right there is going to be miserable. If you think of what you have instead of what you don’t, you will be happier right away. No, no don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you have to do too much of that (like – “oh my god, thank you so much for stealing my BMW, it suits you so much better.” – that would be insane. Again as always I may sound controversial but we have to see the situation from all the angles, right? (I believe I’ve mentioned this one in one of my earlier posts). Anyways, I believe that qualities people don’t like in others are often what they don’t like in themselves. So basically  your subconscious knows you, because that is you. But not many people can connect with their inner selves. It is possible but hard.

If you are not very self-confident, you may want to think why first. Because people think you are not beautiful enough? not fit enough? WHO CARES? Did you know that you means the inner person, not the physical body. I know FEW (no, not two or three, more than that) people who may not be the ‘prom queens’, but they are so joyful, so happy, their smile really brightens everything, and that makes them beautiful, the glow that surrounds them.

Screw what people say. It’s not about them, it’s about you.. You can take the best care of yourself, make your hair, your nails, dress beautifuly, smile, be bright, that is going to make you more phisically appealing. But what you should know – never lose the inside beauty of yourself, noone like bubble headed barbies, my dear. I mean at the beggining they may be fun, but how can a relationship work if it is based on physical attraction only? It doesn’t. 😉 I mean I’m HAPPY that I’m not a dumb beauty that doesn’t know that ‘Hungary’ is a restaurant. See, I’m becoming a friend of myself already. I feel better, I can sleep better now, and I hope that this harmony will help me in achieving some of my biggest goals this year, cause I have a lot, now that they are closer than ever I believe I can fulfill myself, I can get to know myself, to be happy and successful. I finally found my key to success. Now I’m hoping to put it in the right doors.

The only journey is the journey within



p.s. My fav ice-hockey team’s goalie (goal keeper) is an amazing singer, in love with his voice ❤

isn’t he amazing? p.s.2. he’s not proffesional singer. 🙂