I always was pretty sure I wasn’t part of them because I didn’t want to be, I had different priorities. I believed that it was my intention, no distractions were allowed on my way to my dreams. And only now I realized I didn’t go out of group myself, I got thrown out. I was so focused on my goals I never gave a shit about fitting in the crowd. Guess that’s my fault now isn’t it? I was talking how I didn’t care about those bullshits they do, but was I trying to deny I’m outsider in that group to myself? I’ve never been in that situation before so the feelings kind of suck right now. It’s just hurtful to see that they are having more fun than ever now and they never asked me if I wanted to go, in fact I believe they’re happy I’m not there. And whose fault is it? Mine fully. At the moment I feel like I’ve lost my first but what if more follows? I have basically killed my social life in one group, how do I keep from getting the same result in the next? I’ve never been really worried about fitting in the crowd, I’ve always liked to be a loner time by time, oherwise I kill any of my creativity. And now here I am – I don’t know what I want- but I definitely see where I am now, thrown out. The biggest fear? To do the same again. How do I become the person everybody loves to hang out with again? How could I focus so much on everything else but forget that? Or maybe I just never realized I was until now? Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t have friends, I do, but I just realized I’m an outsider in my own class. How in the hell did that happen? I’m cofused. Some of you may be out there now reading this and laughing about me. Well go ahead, if that makes you happy.
I have 2 months to figure out what do I have to change to become the social person I was again, otherwise I’ll get on the same train. What do I? I have no idea. What do I say? I have no clue. What do I change? I wish I knew. I wish I knew.