I want success as my middle name

­              Some say that having a goal in life is what counts, many don’t realize that a goal without a plan is just a wish. People who dream big ,achieve a lot they say, I say people who work hard for their achievements are the only ones who achieve anything remarkable in life,  What I don’t understand is people saying that they are ready to change things they don’t like, but they are not ready to make any sacrifices. Success doesn’t come easy, you have to earn it.” People who are crazy enough to believe that they can change the world, usually are the ones who do”, of course everything starts with a dream, later you develop into your goal, then you generate a plan and then you do the dirty work, but it seems that many are not ready to do the last part. You can’t expect to lose weight, become a genius or win a marathon with just a plan you never did. You want to lose weight, but at the same time you go and eat a cookie, you go and drink a coffee – where is the dedication you told about? If you want to achieve something in this life – be ready to make sacrifices, nothing comes easy and immediately, it takes time, courage, self control and dedication, but most of all – hard work. Not saying you can’t, not stopping when you’re out of breath, not quitting when you don’t see the results you wanted, not fall while you’re going for it – that is what it takes. So maybe before you waste your time doing things that will never result in the way you wish they did, maybe think about whether you are at the point of your life where you understand what it takes.

Also, stop whining about not succeeding after a week. No champion ever has become a champion after a week or even a year of practice. Life is not a garden of roses, nothing worth having ever comes easy. If you don’t succeed – run longer, jump higher, work harder, keep trying, keep going, unless you faint, vomit or die, you can do more. And when your legs are tired, run with your heart.

The most powerful thing one has been given is self-discipline, unfortunately many don’t quite use it, it’s easier to eat a pack of chips than run that 5k, I know. It’s much more pleasure to go to McDonalds than prepare your own healthy meal, I know. It is easier to drive by car than the bicycle, I know. But if “easier” is what you’re looking for, then you don’t need success. You already succeed by not doing anything.

And if you decide that you really want to be successful and you’re ready to finally aim for what’s important – then we’re talking. Don’t worry about failing, get up and keep trying. No master has ever become master without failing, you learn by your mistakes and you know you have learned from it when you don’t ever repeat it. You don’t need to be the best to start your journey, but you do need to start your journey to be the best.

Most importantly, don’t think it’s a matter of a month. No, you didn’t gain those pounds over a week, you didn’t fall back in your studies in a week, don’t expect to get everything better be immediate. Keep going and you’ll get there.

 

You may hold my hand for a while, but you hold my heart forever.

By the way she kept staring in one direction, you couldn’t tell if she was really looking into his eyes or just had gotten lost deep in her own thoughts. For a minute there his heart stopped, the girl with these tiffany blue eyes was the same girl he had to leave behind. In about 20 minutes from now, tears will be flowing endlessly from these eyes, the eyes he knew so well, the eyes he had loved since the very first day. In 20 minutes from now, she’ll probably scream how much she hates him and how she never wants to see him again, and then with eyes filled with tears, she’ll make the face that made his heart break every time – the face with no emotion, the face full of hatred and emptiness. And then he’d go. And he’d never see these eyes again. He knew that he was about to break her heart, he knew she was going to feel like he had never loved her, like he didn’t care. But there was no other way. 20 minutes was all he had left with the most precious thing in his life, 20 minutes with his life. See, he knew perfectly that when he left her, he’d never be the same, he’s about to leave his heart behind and he could do nothing to take it with him…even if he wanted to. A tear appeared in the left corner of his eye, he had never felt so vulnerable and yet he was powerful enough to destroy the strongest person he knew. She wiped his tear off and asked in a trembling voice about what was going on? That moment he felt million bees going for his stomach, he felt sick, sick to his stomach, last conversation had begun, it was only a conversation, but it was so much more – it was apocalypse – the end of the world, their world. Moments passed and his lips remained sealed, he couldn’t say those words, he couldn’t do this to the only person who had never lost faith in him, the only person who was always there, the only one who would never do this to him. From a calm sea of love and pure friendliness her eyes had turned into a wild sea filled with confusion, fear and heartbreak. She knew. She felt it. “Don’t say it” – she whispered – “You’re here, I’m here, nothing else matters. Don’t say it” – her voice broke and she started crying lightly. “I can’t stay. You are in my way to moving forward, you’re in my way. I don’t want to be rude to you, believe me, but I can’t love you, you remind me too much of what I do not want to remember. I will not come back and don’t you come looking for me. I’m leaving, that means I’m leaving you behind my present, I don’t want you there anymore. And I’d tell you I was sorry, but the truth is, I’m really not – I need a break, I’ve been running from my past and that’s only because of you. ” – he spoke slowly, sometimes spluttering, sometimes just quavering. The eyes he knew were no longer looking into his, they were jumping from one point to another seeking for an escape, she couldn’t believe what she was hearing just as much as he couldn’t believe what he had just said. He kept his stone cold posture, looking in her eyes with an empty expression, she let  go of his hand, which she had firmly held in hers the whole time. He stood up and headed out the room immediately, just when he had reached the door, he gave her the last look, he saw her just sitting there completely still… completely empty. Well, that made two of them.

    How often in life can you be sure that you’ve met the one? How often can you believe with all your heart that there will never be another? The chances  are one in a million. And even if you do meet the one you can surely call your soul mate, the one you truly lose your heart to, it doesn’t mean you have forever. See, life is not fair. You can try to climb the walls, swim the seas, walk the distances, but life is fragile. Forever never lasts. And just when you think you are there, the moment you realize you have found the one you’d die for, tell them immediately, don’t wait for anything, cause tomorrow may never come. There will always be something trying to tear you apart, someone trying to break what you think is unbreakable. But nothing is more breakable than perfection and happiness. People lie, jealousy overcomes their sanity, no humanity is present.  Cherish the moments you’re happy, because any one of them may be the last one, and when your life will flash behind your eyes before you die  – you don’t want to see regrets. Don’t die empty. Don’t take anything for granted. 

Months had passed and he hadn’t heard a thing about her, he knew it was better this way, but that didn’t make it easier. Four months ago he was happy, and the worst part was that he remembered that. He had lost EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING. but he could still remember. “But, god, why? It hurts enough as it is, why make me still understand all the things I’ve done, why make me remember? You’ve taken my ability to move my legs, my arms, even my neck but you can’t seem to finally take my sanity away. Is this my punishment for what I did to her? I had to do it. I couldn’t have let her see me this way, it would have hurt more to be with me like this than to think I never loved her at all. I did what I had to do. TAKE ME AWAY. DON’T MAKE ME BEAR THESE THOUGHTS EVERY DAY.”

The door opened and someone walked in, he didn’t care much though, unless it was someone ready to relieve him, make the pain go away, make him pass away. No, it seemed like god had taken a step closer to making him suffer endlessly, as if he was in one of the Dante’s circles of hell. He smelled something, something he could recognize anywhere. And then he heard it too, for a moment he thought that maybe he already was insane. She opened her mouth and stammered : “B-b-b-aby. You didn’t think that a-a-a-fter all those times you told me you loved me with that s-s-sparkle in your eyes, I’d fall for on-on-e time y-y-you said you didn’t, did-d-d you? Just after you had left, I begun to search for-r-r you and when I finally did, I-I-I was shat-t-tered. I know you p-p-probably don’t understand me or even recognize me, but I had to c-c-come. Just one last time. The doctor said that they were keeping you alive, that you are w-w-w-what they call v-v-eg-e.. I can’t. B-b-baby .Do you hear me?”. He had never tried to move his body so hard in his life, but he just couldn’t, all he could give her was a wink of an eye, but it was enough. He looked into her eyes and he found the way to make sound come out of his mouth : “End this, please” he muttered…. She stared into his eyes and didn’t move. Hours had gone by, all this time she had been sitting in the corner of the room and swinging slightly. She suddenly jumped up, run up to him, looked him in the eyes, mouthed the words ” I love you ” and pulled the wires out, the only source of life he still had left. She killed him. Without him, she had no reason to live what so ever, so she just cut herself all the way across her vein. Ironic how her every thought was similar to what he had been thinking about – about the punishment of god, about doing the right thing. Her eyes fell open, as seen in horror movies, she managed to whisper “Life’s only guarantee is death, and we never break a promise, cause starting today we’ve gotten here. No amount of time with you will ever be enough, but I’m willing to start with forever”

And then she stopped breathing. Just like that. Death, the sable smoke where vanishes the flame.

wow, April.. really?

Can you believe it’s April already? Seems like it’s been just a few weeks since first snow and now we’re already counting days til summer. Right now nothing seems more calming than just the thought about being in Spain, taking that glass of iced orange juice, sitting by the pool with my laptop and blogging, sunbathing and just enjoying the weather. I partied a lot last summer and from what I have learned – that is not my life-style. I’d much rather just chill with my friends and alone, yes, being alone lot more is one of my top requirements for this summer now. I feel like – I need to get serious about my writing again, I’m even ashamed myself that the only writing I’ve done is updating my blog few times a month, which is pretty bad. This summer, the summer before IBDP starts, I’ve decided to be my ambitious self again, aiming, working, achieving.

I see how this new life-style has changed me, both in a good and a bad way. People convinced me I was planning my future too early, so I quit. And so on. See, I’ve created myself, now I just need to grind myself to be exactly the way I want – I’m speaking about both – appearance and personality.

I’ve noticed a strange thing about myself… If I put my mind to something particular, I can do it, whatever it is, no matter how impossible it seems, but if I’m just seeking for the right direction – it always leads to degradation, so planning is back. Let’s get organized.

 

Summer here I come.(: