I have found that if you love life, life will love you back.

I never quite understood why they say that opposites attract, because in my experience I’ve noticed a tendency of attitude to attract similar attitude, a person to attract a similar person. I think that these “opposites attract” cases are just so extraordinary, therefore are the most talked about. What fun is it to talk about what happens in the real life, when you can hear all the unbelievable one in the million stories?

Anyhow, I think I’ve found the key to happiness. My own happiness anyways. I haven’t quite figured out how to live with it quite yet, but I’m taking it one step at a time. The key is acceptance. Accepting that I don’t have a father figure in my life and that I will never have one makes me appreciate my mother more. Accepting that I have to work harder than most people to get and keep myself in shape makes me appreciate my determination more. Accepting my flaws make me appreciate my blessings more.

In the end we are all unhappy about some or more things, because we can’t learn to accept them as they are. Whether physical flaws or our emotional missing ingredient. The poor want to be rich. The ugly want to be beautiful. The fat want to be skinny. The dumb want to be smart. — The rich wish to have the love in life the poor have. The beautiful want people to love them for their personality and not feel like trophies for once. The skinny wants to eat that second piece of pie and not care. The smart just wants a break and not fight for one day.

No matter what we have, we always focus on the things we lack and that is where we all go wrong.

I am starting to realize that there is nothing wrong with me wanting to move away and start a new life, but I have to make some changes to my plan. For one, I need to stop making it about escaping my past. I am who I am because of it and if I try to deny that part of myself, I am stealing away my humanity, my beautiful disaster. And then I am…. just incomplete.

I am learning to accept that I may not rise to my high standards sometimes, but if I want to change something, I need to start with accepting the flaws, because no alcoholic ever recovered while in denial. And my self loathing is like alcoholism, it’s an obsession and it needs to be cured within.

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