Loneliness is a bitch

Why is it that all women ever talk about anymore is men? Even when alone, we play out these incredibly beautiful scenarios in our heads, making it almost impossible for anyone to meet our expectations.

It’s not that I’m expecting life to be this fairytale I know it’s not, but whenever I meet a man or get involved with him in any way, I can’t help but wonder how would we look together? Would he appreciate me in his life? Would I be happy with him? And that’s where I go wrong.

I guess I just feel more lonely than I ever knew, because I seem to be holding on to all I have. Most days I’m alright with just being on my own, but then other days I’ll see him in a dream again and start questioning everything I have done since our break up and make up an imaginary relationship to get over my last one.

Where do I draw the line between reality and fantasies? And how do I make them not interfere with each other?

Maybe I’m not ready for a relationship? I seem to always find the wrong men. I find those with commitment issues, which don’t lead my belief in love in the right direction. Is it really so wrong to want both honesty, trust and desire, zest in a relationship? Have we come to a time where you have to choose between the two?

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