It’s never your enemies that get you. It’s always your own people.The ones you hate don’t have the power to hurt you. I know I’ve always said everything depends on the way you perceive it, but sometimes you don’t really get options. See, I never thought I’d be starting to write about people I know, but I’m tired of acting as if I was fine. “It is very difficult to make me mad” – I always say, but it’s really not that hard these days… because no matter what I do, others seem to know better. No matter what I say, others seem to have heard something else therefor I choose to take my journey of life alone. It may be wrong but I was proven one more time that the only person you can really trust is you yourself. See the weirdest part is being mad at people for doing what they are doing to you when you hate yourself deeply for the exact same thing you’ve done. So what if it is my biggest regret of all? So what if I have never felt this guilty for anything? So what? I did it. I am a bitch too. At least I have the guts to admit it. See, I hate drama, I really can’t stand it at all, so I’ve stopped contacting people who bring that in my life. And right now I’m scared for my life. I’m scared from the person I’ve become – someone who doesn’t take school seriously AT ALL, someone who does stuff to regret with all my heart later, this feeling of emptiness and sorrow…. I hate myself more than I hate these people who are trying to ruin my life actually. Because a friend of mine said : “the only person who can ruin your life is you yourself”, and she was right. I was denying it though…. but I just don’t see a point of anything anymore. My life is so fucked up again…. more than ever perhaps… I’m in the middle of drama I was trying to avoid. See, there is a difference between when realizing your life has been ruined and when you have ruined your own life. And let me just tell you that I am feeling nothing right now. Nothing at all. Just regret and disappointment in myself. And that is the worst part. I can act I don’t care about what others say or do, but I can’t deny I’ve ruined my own life, my own feelings, friendships. I’m the only cause for all of my problems and long time issues. I can accuse whoever I want to accuse for my problems but in the end I should have known better than trusting people who don’t care anyways. And why should they? In the end life always is about saving yourself… You don’t really think about who you’re leaving behind on the sinking ship your running away from… you don’t think about what you meant to them… you don’t think about what they would have done and actually DID for you, do you? And so on, disappointment after disappointment you eventually end up alone and lonely. No matter how many people are there around you. You’re on your own in sea full of sharks and no one will save you when it comes to them or you. Despite the desperate attempts to be angry at others, I end up feeling sorry for them… sorry for you… sorry for your miserable life in denial… life where drama is the way to tell people what you think… where talking behind ones back counts as communicating with the person. And in the end I sit here with an empty heart but I still have more than you do. I have myself. Struggled one, I agree, but I have one. You have no one, you’re a nobody on it’s own. See, I once was there to catch you when you fell but now I’d rather let you face your life on your own…. alone. And even though in your opinion I may be completely wrong about the whole thing, because you know you are the most popular person in the World, the smartest kid in school and most probably the prettiest person in the room. you are just a drama queen who somehow thinks that my life is miserable, you’re the one desperately trying to get attention by talking about it so you might as well stop while it’s not too late. It’s me, I get it, people are people, just human beings, they make mistakes, we make mistakes. But when you do, just admit it. Save your soul before it’s sent to burn in the eternal flames of repentance.
Have you ever thought about what is the music of your heart? What are the things that help you to get through the hopeless nights? What tells your friends you need awakening?
See, tears are the eyes of the soul.You have to open your eyes to see clear. I don’t quite get why crying is considered bad, it’s beautiful. It’s the most honest thing in the World, the most truthful emotion person can have. Don’t condemn them, admire them, guard them and spread them for the right reasons.
Putting tears in one category is unfair, cause it’s so much more than just one emotion. Tears include so much emotion – love, caring about something or someone, sadness, happiness, pride, betrayal, belief, disappointment – and these are just few of them.
Why do people watch sad movies? Because the feeling after crying your soul out is refreshing and priceless. The enlightenment you feel after realized what the deep moral was, the appreciation for what you have instead of wining about what you’re lacking. Even the part when you feel sorry for yourself – it’s beautiful. You’re beautiful when you cry, you’re sincere, you’re amazingly beautiful.
Tears are a part of being sorry for thyself but it’s OK, cause no one else will. Look them in the eyes and don’t fear crying. No, it doesn’t mean you’re weak, it means you’ve been strong for too long. No one should ever in their lives apologize for crying. No. Crying is the beauty sleep for the soul. It breaks you, shapes you and shakes you.
Dare to cry. Dare to be honest and true. Dare to cry for the ones who are in need, cry for those who are alone and lonely, cry for those who lost it all, cry for yourself. Be selfish. Love. And tears are an essential part of love. And they are beautiful. They prove your affection. They prove your repentance.
Your eyes are the mirror of your soul, don’t let it be false, wash the window, darling, to see me brighter. Wash the mirror to see yourself more clearly. Use the eyes of the soul to look in the mirror. Look yourself in the eye and be proud, be proud of every tear you’ve shed, be proud of every mistake you have made, be proud for every sin you have done. Love everything you do. Shed a tear for that too.
The neverendless question – how to achieve the best? how to earn the biggest money? how to live the fullest life? …and today I’m here to tell you my interpretation of the particular answer..
Let me as always begin with the problem of ours- we’re all paranoid… no,no,I’m not – that’s what you are probably thinking now… Today I’ll talk about who I mean while using such a strong word – “all”. I got to admit I’m one of those person’s who really cares about financial, physical and mental safety… yes, I do… See I’m paranoid…why? Because I’m going down a path were the grass isn’t growing anymore…way too many people have done the same thing befoe me…and many will follow…If you look closely at the people who are on top of their game, they’re all revolutionists…they have made something out of nothing… but we’re keeping something of something alive… as if that was needed… See Albert Einstein used to say “Any idea that does not seem crazy at first, is worth nothing at all” and that is true… I guess the reason why many people chose “the safety path” is because they care too much of what others think of them…that’s the way world is now..there’s nothing you can do to change the world, you can be one of the “crazy” person’s who make a change in their own lifes. So the other day I was watching E! True Hollywood story (I don’t remember of whom), there was a man who said words that are stuck in my head – “See the thing is, many people come to Hollywood to become famous, therefore only few of them understand what it means” .. and I believe that this sentence is true in so many ways… because you can’t reach the top if you are aiming for the biggest salary… you have to make your job worth the biggest salary first, because if someone else does it- he recieves it… and that is the simple secret why people can’t be at the very top… See I believe in this case there’re 3 kinds of people:
1) People who have no remarkable idea’s, because they have assumed that the ones they have thought of are not good enough… See their biggest problems are
a) They don’t believe they’re good enough to achieve something in life. WHY? One reason may be that they have some self-confidence issue, which is oftenly obtained in school, where teachers are not doing enough to put “the bad boys” on the row…
b)They are lazy and are not ready to put a hard work in a process they believe is impossible to become something bright… see from this one there comes another problem- they are afraid of the thoughts of the others…
c) They never achieve something more than “average citizen” … some people are happy this way – then they are doing nothing wrong, therefore, the ones who are unhappy living this life may rethink their values 🙂 ..
2) People who have good ieas but by somewhat reason they are afraid to develop it…their biggest issues are
a) they are afraid of failure… but they fail anyways…because fear is the biggest failure
b) they know they can achieve everything if they had a little more of that…little more of this… so they give up after a while
3)People who have good ideas, they invest all they have into developing the idea, later getting back what they had never imagined.
So basically THE SECRET is walking a path no one has walked before instead of blindly following something many people have done before you… And at the end the easiest is what first seems hardest.. because creating something absolutely new is way easier than trying to discover a new America in a place with population over 2 000 000 people. Be creative, produce ideas and never fear developing them! 🙂
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now (wish right now, wish right now)”
So often we hear people wishing they could start something over, redo a situation….relive a moment….replay a memory….remember the feelings…recall the words…Wishing upon a star, desperately wanting to see a better day, to live a new life…to be a different person…We would like to delete the bad from our past and make it better…we would like to save something that was meant to be saved…we want to take our words back and keep our heads high… we would want to be the ones to tell others: “Don’t worry, dear, it’ll be better”…how much would it mean to us to have one more chance to say something that has been left unsaid…to do something that has been left undone….believe someone who has been right all along…to listen to someone who has been left ignored…Have you never wondered where are people who used to be your everything now?Have you never wanted to go back to a time where you were different?..happier? Have you ever felt like everything is going wrong…and then have you wished you could just go back in time…. to make it better? Have you ever done something you had to regret… and you just wanted to make it so it had never happened?…so it was the way it was before? Have you ever said something to a person you love that made them leave you?…and then have you wished you could change they way the person felt about you now so you can move on?…live on? If you saw a shooting star would you wish your life to be different?..even little bit? If you know saw the person you hurt, would you say that you feel sorry for what had happened?…and then wish he forgave you?…If you know saw yourself long time ago, would you tell yourself to never do something that has had been done already in your life?…and then you changed? See the thing is, you don’t have to wish the time to go back or the words to be never said… you have to forget living for the past….live for today…and today what you are…. is….DAMN great…and that is all what matters…And when you know tomorrow YOU yourself you will be better…that is all that needs to be said…because… we are new every day.
I’ve recently noticed that every situation mostly depends on your reaction, and not only that… So I’m reading book “The secret” in which the author talks about positive thinking which as she says is the key to success. I didn’t believe it at first, that’s exactly why I decided to read the book myself, not to trust what my friends say, but now I have to agree that it really is some secret. Do you have the slightest clue how easier your life gets when you believe in yourself? when you believe in the best? Your reaction, perception and your belief is what makes the world around you… I know I know – it’s so simple, right? How can that be true? I’m doing fine, but my life sucks etc. Well what can I tell you? Take off the pink glasses and look at yourself for real, realize what there is to change in your behaviour and do it! Life is easy if you believe it is, that’s what buddhists have been telling us since forever – Life is the result of our thoughts and action. That’s our fault that we complicate everything to the way it is. Now think about it for a second and tell me I’m wrong, go ahead! Well does it make sence now? Let me explain the principle wth a simple argument : Now think about what I say – when you think you can do something easily, you feel more motivated doing it, right? of course you do, because you don’t fear failure and you believe you can do it… When you think something is impossible – you either try harder or never try at all, right? When you try something harder and you still think it’s unreachable after a while you stop trying, cause you see no way to succeeding anyways, but if you never tried at all, you haven’t done anything, which practically is equal to failure to you. So basically we all know that believing our abilities make everything we do easier…it’s just a matter of time to realize that…Also what I’ve noticed is when you take a fight with someone easy, when you don’t freak that it’s the end of your relationship, friendship or whatever, when you believe that it’s just a little bump in your way, it really turns out to be that way. Now, how many of you can honestly raise their hands that they have never made an elephant out of a fly? I mean have you never freaked out about something, when it actually turns out to be not that bad? If you raised your hand, take it down and think harder, that is impossible. And that is just the way it works. If you think you’re going to miss your train, wait for it and you really will, if you think you’re alone in the whole world, you will really be soon… See if you focus on what you have instead of what you don’t, you’ll be waaay happier… now that makes sence, right? I thought so.:)
So let’s gather facts :
2. When you feel good about yourself, you’re more productive and creative, and able to do hard things.
3. when you think about yourself realistic you realize that you have to work on your behaviour.
4. THE SECRET is positive thinking.
Have you ever noticed that people like knowing where their actions may lead them? Calculating, speculating every step of the way? But what they don’t realize that not everything in this world is meant to be calculable. It’s nice knowing where will you be in 10, 15, 20 years, it’s even better to know where you may be in 10,15,20 years as a result of your action, but that’s just not how it works. See life doesn’t play by rules, it’s bluffing and raising the bet, it’s not cheating, but it is definately trying to exhaust you, it’s trying to overdrive you. And in that case trying to calculate or foresee the possible result is impossible, you’re trying but all you do is messing up your head and the heads of people around you. I think they spoil children in schools – algebra, geometry, economics, politics, physics etc. Everyone of as has at least once believed that in future robots will take over the world, what you probably don’t realize that it has already happened. People are not people anymore, they are calculating machines, manufacturers, it’s weird that we don’t see world in 1’s and 0’s yet, but that’s not so far away anymore. I don’t know what is worse thinking that the world may be destroyed by a volcano, sun, meteor or whatever one day, or if it happened as self-destruction. Living is not fighting for a house to buy, a car to drive a husband to marry, it’s about enjoying yourself, it’s about loving yourself, doing what you love to do and loving what you’re doing. See sometimes you have to stop thinking so much and go where the heart takes you – stop worrying for a second and enjoy life, stop focussing on the negative – be more cheerful, stop complaining all the time and relax. See sometimes you just have to accept the life the way it is and make the best of it…. sometimes you just got to live the moment fully… and sometimes you have to be yourself.
How does it feel to please everyone? Please tell me cause I seriously have no idea. I know I used to care what people thought, I used to care what people said, but not anymore. I am MYSELF now, I stand up for what I believe in! I fight for what I want and I say what I mean. It’s just so funny to look at the ‘besties’ who are pleasing each other but when one turns back the other spreads rumors and talks bullshit. It actually kind of amuses me to watch all of those manufactured friendships…what’s the point of those? Oh, let me tell you, because those people are afraid to be alone, and you know what that means? That means they are afraid of themselves. All that kissing and hugging when you actually want to stab the person, that’s lame. Drinking, smoking at 14,15,16…. WHAT THE HELL? You think that’s cool? Well I DON’T, so fuck off with your statements about me being lame. You think you hate me but I dont care.You’ll ask me why, cause you are so cool (at least you think so) – well because, my dear, you are NOBODY, nobody worth listening to. I actually feel sorry for you all, ‘high society’, oh my god, ten years from now you’ll probably understand that. I’ve been there, I’ve been a part of that, but thank god, I was lead to the right path, I’ve changed, I’ve grown, I’ve matured, I feel ME. I’m not going to please you, I’ll say what I want to, without caring you wouldn’t talk to me. Just get over yourself, okay? But still I’m not thinking bad about you, no, I’m just repeating what Jesus said “Father, they don’t know what they’re doing”, because thinking bad just messes my head with bad thoughts, and I’m not going to let you to screw me in any ways. So go ahead talk shit about me, don’t talk with me, I really do not care, but don’t be surprised when I talk to you with a smile on my face, if I tell you to get well soon or I offer you to help with your studies, that’s just my way of expressing my feelings for you, which are feeling sorry for you. Cause you are not punished for your anger, you are punished by your anger.
The moral is stand up for what you believe in, fight for what you need, do what you want. You’ll have enemies, n0, actually, you’ll have people that’ll consider you their enemy, but look at them and in your mind say “Father, they don’t know what they’re doing”, smile and wish them all the best. 99% of our thoughts of today is repetition of our thoughts of yesterday, and if you curse them all, that sounds bad, right? So be more mature, be more reasonable. Don’t hate people, don’t pay attention to what they say about you, especially, when they can’t say that in your face, because that means they are weak and really immature. BE YOURSELF AND LOVE IT! Don’t be afraid to spend time alone, that’s the quality time, I’m glad to stay alone now, I’ve been trying to fit in for years, but now I just know where I have to be.
The other day I told my friend “you don’t even know me”, she answered “Neither do you.”. That was really a moment of enlightenment for me. What is knowing yourself exactly? I mean I know what I like to eat, I know what I want to do, where I want to go, I do know myself well. Heck no. All my years of life (not too many thank god) I’ve spent hating myself, looking for flaws in myself, not being happy with who I am, trying to change myself. But how can I do either of those if I don’t actually know who I am? That’s not fair, now, is it? So let’s start with how to find a way to getting to know yourself.
I know I often accuse people for being egoistic and self-centred. But what really is egoist? Egoist is a person who doesn’t let people act selfishly on them. So basically being an egoist is a good thing ( reasonably of course). ‘Changing yourself”, ‘loving yourself’ – these are some strong words, so we may start with ‘knowing yourself’ first, right?
What is knowing yourself? Knowing yourself means understanding where you stand in life, where you want to go with your life and who are you in life. Life is what you make it, so make it rock! If person complains all the time, that person right there is going to be miserable. If you think of what you have instead of what you don’t, you will be happier right away. No, no don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you have to do too much of that (like – “oh my god, thank you so much for stealing my BMW, it suits you so much better.” – that would be insane. Again as always I may sound controversial but we have to see the situation from all the angles, right? (I believe I’ve mentioned this one in one of my earlier posts). Anyways, I believe that qualities people don’t like in others are often what they don’t like in themselves. So basically your subconscious knows you, because that is you. But not many people can connect with their inner selves. It is possible but hard.
If you are not very self-confident, you may want to think why first. Because people think you are not beautiful enough? not fit enough? WHO CARES? Did you know that you means the inner person, not the physical body. I know FEW (no, not two or three, more than that) people who may not be the ‘prom queens’, but they are so joyful, so happy, their smile really brightens everything, and that makes them beautiful, the glow that surrounds them.
Screw what people say. It’s not about them, it’s about you.. You can take the best care of yourself, make your hair, your nails, dress beautifuly, smile, be bright, that is going to make you more phisically appealing. But what you should know – never lose the inside beauty of yourself, noone like bubble headed barbies, my dear. I mean at the beggining they may be fun, but how can a relationship work if it is based on physical attraction only? It doesn’t. 😉 I mean I’m HAPPY that I’m not a dumb beauty that doesn’t know that ‘Hungary’ is a restaurant. See, I’m becoming a friend of myself already. I feel better, I can sleep better now, and I hope that this harmony will help me in achieving some of my biggest goals this year, cause I have a lot, now that they are closer than ever I believe I can fulfill myself, I can get to know myself, to be happy and successful. I finally found my key to success. Now I’m hoping to put it in the right doors.
The only journey is the journey within
p.s. My fav ice-hockey team’s goalie (goal keeper) is an amazing singer, in love with his voice ❤
isn’t he amazing? p.s.2. he’s not proffesional singer. 🙂
Yesterday, on January 27th, at 1.20 am, Latvian singer, writer, composer and actor, Mārtiņš Freimanis (Martins Freimanis) died after facing some serious complications after a swine flu. At the age of 33, Mārtiņš Freimanis, had written many beautiful songs that will forever remain in Latvian culture. He has participated in many contests, including Eurovision, few years in a row, as a singer and songwriter. Although I was never really a huge fan of him, I did like his music, acting. I must say that these news shocked me, I still can’t really believe that it has really happened, it seems more like a nightmare to me.
Here you go, running for your destiny, working, not eating something to be fit, pleasing everyone else, trying to achieve your best, and then one day it ends. After a flu for gods sake. How is this fair? I mean, everyone has to die sometimes, but when full life is lived. No, I’m not talking only about this incident, but globally. My cousin died in his twenties, he was the sweetest person I’ve ever met, he died when I was little, but I still remember him as if I had seen him just yesterday. See, the thing is, I agree that life is unfair, and that is acceptable to a certain level, but this is just crossing the line. Everyone has to die, we get it. But why now? Why here? When a person is old you predict that to happen (not expect, but understand that it might happen somewhat soon), but when a person has lived less than a half of his/her normal lifetime? This is not unfair, this is a crime, a crime of life.
Why bother trying to be someone? Why try to be the besd? – if one day, just one simple day it can all be taken away from you. At my age this might be inappropriate to even have such thoughts, but I did concieve a thought of my death. What if I died tomorrow? Who would be there for me? Would I be happy with the way I lived? And I got the answer. I’m not going to run after something that’s everybodies else’s dream, I’m gonna chase my own destiny, I will do what I want to do. I don’t care about money, I really don’t, it just makes life easier. I’m gonna study what I want to, not what I could make a big salary of, I will date who I want to, not with who I’d look great together with. I will be me, I will be mine, not everybodies else’s. See this is the day – I’m my own.
“Life is too short, so take the time and appreciate”
RIP Mārtiņš Freimanis – you will always remain in our hearts, you were an amazing person- singer, songwriter, composer, poet, actor at only age of 33, the whole country is with you. There’s a candle in my house simbolyzing your soul transffering to the greater place. God bless you!
I found this amazing quote today and it got me thinking… See I’ve already told you before that I am a bit concerned about my future, I am afraid of setting my goals too high…not choosing the right target to aim for..But this sentence just made me more confused, but it’s that kind of confusion after what comes the enlightenment. So here it goes…
There are few moments in our lives that can confuse us with questions like ” What am I going to do in my future?” “Am I going to be successful?”. “Am I going to make the right career choice?'”, “Is this really what’s meant for me?” (..)…
I actually blame parents, cause they let their children to build these ilusions, big dreams… Sometimes it may become a little more than just that… a lot more – THE target. So you live on with that dream of yours, when one day it crashes, cause you understand how unreachable it is. I know people say “Everything is possible” and now… How many people want to/believe that they are going to be the president of the United States of America? (or any other country for that matter).. I don’t mean to bitch around or something, but it’s IMPOSSIBLE for million people to reach that dream. But there are few who will achieve, am I right? Do you see where I’m going with this?
There is absolutely no guarantee that you will achieve your goal or fulfill your dream, but if you don’t even try – you will never going to achieve it anyways. So, really what is the difference between going for it or not going? In either way you can miss, so whatever, move on, go ahead have a backup plan. I mean, what do you have to lose? Money for studies? SO WHAT? Money is overrated in this material world, you don’t lose your knowledge, you only lose an opportunity, ONE opportunity now, how many other ones are out there? What will you lose- your time? Oh, that’s a good one, I say stop feeling sorry for yourself, working hard isn’t for nothing if even if you don’t get what you wanted. Well, what else? Oh, the faith? Faith is a bullshit, it’s a fairytale, grow up baby, let’s start thinking for real now, ok? Here’s an answer for you – you don’t lose anything at all, you just made a deposit for what to be awarded later light bulb!?! I’m sure that at age of 60-70 you would rather look back on your youth and say: I was trying to do that, I was trying to do that, I did that, other than – I wanted to do that, I wanted to do that and I never got a chance to try that either cause I was afraid of failure. Well there’s something people often forget regrets are worse than failure. Actually, I don’t even know a word failure it just means you have found 10,000 ways it doesn’t work, or 10,000 paths that are not for you.
Personally, I, would rather regret something I failed to do while trying my best in achieving it, than something I never did because I was afraid I would fail. So what? Get up, move on, go ahead next move, next destination. See if you know you did your best even though you weren’t the best, it counts for a lot. You made yourself a better person, you made yourself the best, the smartest you there could ever be.
Don’t get me wrong, you probably are now thinking somewhat this ” I can’t rely on one plan, what if it doesn’t work out.”. I never said you should go with one plan, I’m actually that kind of person that always likes having a backup plan. Maybe it is easier to achieve the backup plan first and then go for your real target in full speed.
Sure, maybe I am making a big deal out of nothing, but it just hit me, I feel like I should just keep going for what I used to believe in. How is working hard going to hurt me? Yes, it will be tough, the long working hours and everything, but now I just can’t find a reason to even say “oh,I don’t know about that.” , see, if I don’t get what I want? I’ll get better than people who didn’t work that hard, right? Sometimes you just have to look at situations from different angles, look around yourself and analyze the situation, make conclusions.
I know that we all want to be rich and we all want to have lives where we don’t have to worry about stuff, but let’s face it, it’s never going to be that way. Life is a hell, not a paradise, my dear. It’s what you make it, you will not make anything unless you try. Do you get this one now? 🙂 Working for money is not going to be fun for long, my dear. Sure, the big bucks are nice to have but are you ready to give your life away for money, wouldn’t you want to be where you want to be? Money, fame are not the right things to wish you had, believe me, I often forget this myself, but I know what I want to do now, so I’m going to do my best to get there and never regret. I will forget about such words as disappointment, regrets, failure..
See, the targets are really never about the destination, they are about the journey. You don’t have to agree with me, but you’ll never reach the destination if you don’t take the journey, right?
I think I’ve said enough on this topic. I feel like I just threw off 100 pounds of my shoulders.
firstname.lastname@example.org – my new email. 🙂 Feel free to write me your thoughts, questions, suggestions, situations. 🙂