“After all of my running… I’m finally coming…Home “

She was an extraordinary girl. She had always enjoyed traveling, the further she went, the more she felt at home. They say home is where the heart is and in her home-land her heart had been shattered in million pieces … Continue reading

“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”

For past few weeks or even months I’ve been telling myself I’m exhausted from all the things that I’ve been doing, only now I realize I’m exhausted from not doing enough. You may wonder how is it even possible, well it is. I’ve always considered myself an ambitious person, well but there is a necessity for a munition that equals the ambition. And apparently I’ve been trying to kill someone with an empty bullet. I had forgotten how much I need to keep moving forward, keep succeeding to be happy. I’ve lost my confidence and I put the blame on the wrong reasons. I know finally realize that I had forgotten to be the person I taught myself to be, I had forgotten who I am and was someone I was not instead.

There are a lot of ways to keep my life the way I want it, but in long term I know very well what I want  – I  want success. And I can’t gain that by sitting at Starbucks or chilling at Cinnabon with my friends. I don’t know how it started, I guess the same old story – being desperate to fit in, oh well, fuck that. I’m the only one responsible for my life yesterday, today and tomorrow. And I am the one who needs to take action to complete my needs and wants.

Of course I can’t deny that I have changed due to recent events in my life, but I can’t let myself to fall to the shallow life of people who only care about today…. I don’t think you should be focusing on future all the time, but how does calling procrastination cool makes you cool? How does not studying make you cool? And I somehow started believing it is. And so what if it is ? I’m not going for ‘cool’, I’m going for “success” .

Yes, I like to party but at the same time I like to work hard and see the results of my work. But I’ve let myself drop to the level where nobody will ever trust me anything important in this company. ISN’T IT ALL I NEVER WANTED TO HAPPEN? WHAT HAVE I DONE? From this day on I’ll party hard but work even harder. Cause for those who do not have workdays, they don’t have Sundays either. I hope you get where I’m coming from.

I don’t know why every time I seem to have found my way, I always lose it, but I always do. And that is the main thing I have to change in my attitude… in my actions.

See a little while ago I found the most motivating video I had ever seen, I felt guilty for going to sleep and not doing more… well…. as usual, it was 3 days of hard work and then I slipped again… Why? I don’t know. But if I continue this way, I will be studying in University of Latvia instead of Brown or Pennsylvania or some other IVY league school.

If I don’t take action now, average is all I’m ever going to be. And that is not enough. I’m not saying I’ll stop having fun, no, but I will earn the fun with hard, hard work. Not starting today or tomorrow or a week from now. But NOW. Right now. Now.

 

 

No longer will I be the girl that lives for assholes, no longer will I be the person to be lied to and manipulated.

Did I tell you already that I’m no longer am going to complain about people?  yeah, well. I realized that my life is what I make it and no one can ruin it for me. I have to stop being so polite, I have to do what I want to do instead of pleasing others. I will not wait for someone to invite me somewhere, I am going to invite others, because I want to keep the friendships that are important to me…. Screw people who are there to be haters or backstabbing bitches, that doesn’t affect me anymore. This is my crazy year, and the first crazy thing I am going to do is that I will let go all the people that provide negativity in my world. Then I am going to talk to the people I want not worrying about what at could do to my reputation. I am sick and tired of complaining, I will do something about it instead. This is a new, happier me. You may say I am egoistic, but after all this is my life and it is all about me. It doesn’t mean I am not going to help people anymore! No, I will, but I will also demand things that make me happy. Life is too short to worry about all the people who are not there for you too, people who use you. Look around you, life is beautiful, no matter how tough the road is, in the end it will always be worth it, if you enjoy life and control it yourself. I have to repeat myself again – LOVE YOURSELF, CAUSE YOU ARE AMAZING, MY DARLING! :))))

TURN BACK

I was looking through my blog and I couldn’t help but to notice that I haven’t posted anything since 28th of July. I have many explanations, but those all are just excuses. I guess I had some writers block. Sometimes I sit and stare at blank piece of paper for hours, sometimes I give up after few minutes. I was so desperate that I couldn’t express myself anymore, I felt the pain more than ever, because I had no place to let it out.  I was so desperate that I even invented a notebook where I was analyzing everything in my life – friends, situations, crushes, everything. And it helped. Almost. I’m still really confused, but hey, I’m here, I’m writing my pointless stuff again. I guess the real reason is the fact that I’m learning English really seriously now and I just don’t like the stuff I write anymore, I need to improve. Fast. I’m learning about language style now, so I hope I can really write real stuff soon. I don’t know how to find out – am I meant to be a blogger? Am I meant to write other things? Maybe writing just isn’t my thing? How to find out? I don’t know. But I’m just going with the flow. Enjoying life. And the things I do. Even though everything is really complicated, I just try to be the little miss sunshine, nobody cares about my problems anyways, so I might as well hide them. Right now I feel like I’m doing a good job with that…. As much as I can. Let’s see where this…. where I go from here.

If you can dream it, you can do it. / Walt Disney /

Take steps to come closer to your dreams, take baby steps, don’t rush. If you could find your way around the action it would be nice, but it just doesn’t work that way. KNOWING IS NOT ENOUGH! You must take action. Take baby steps, don’t run,  go a little closer, like approaching a bird, while afraid of scaring it away. And most importantly – DREAM. Because that is where the ideas come from. Don’t be afraid to dream, don’t lock away your dreams, never throw them away, cause one day they might be on the to-do list not what-if list. If right now it is your dream, you’re just not mature enough to execute them into reality, wait, don’t forget about them. The best ideas at first seem crazy, if they don’t they aren’t any good. I, for example, have many crazy ideas which all have come from dreams.  I still don’t know if I’ll ever have the courage to realize any of them, but hey, I’m getting there. I’ve realized what seemed impossible to me few months ago, that really made me believe that I can do just about anything when I’m really determined to. The other thing that concerns me is what my family would think if I started going for my dreams. I know – it’s so stupid. But I’ve always been really good at school, especially math, physics etc. but now I want to do something you can do when you’re brainless (well almost, you need to have logical thinking)…Third concern of mine is that even if I was about to realize my dreams – I can’t do it here, there is no future prospects for that here, I would have to go all over the world, which makes it even harder to do . But no, I’m not giving up, I’ve put the ideas on record, so when I am ready for them I have them. The more I dream and the more I move forward, the more I realize – I can do whatever I want to if I just thought of it first. If you can dream it, you can do it. SO DO IT!

 

“Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try.”

Hey, everyone. I know I haven’t posted anything for a while now, but I just needed to clear my head… I have so much to say… So this post consists of 2 parts, in part 1 I talk about what’s happening in my life, about my dreams, and my goals etc. but part 2 is philosophical – as usual – about changes [this time I suggest them]… so if you don’t care about my life and what’s on my mind, you might as well skip part 1. 🙂

[part 1]

So remember my post “impatience” ? Well, everything worked out for me. So I am an example how everything and anything that seems impossible can easily become your reality, it just depends on how determined you are…I was doing everything I can to achieve this….and now all the crazy and unreachable dreams of mine are a step or two closer…in a very reachable way… So I know what I have to do now…and what I’m going to do now… I’ve never been more sure… Let me to introduce you to my new lifestyle

First of all after I reach one goal, I will chose and go for another, because that way I keep my life full of challenges…and I keep on developing myself..Now that I’ve reached this, I have time until september to lose 16lbs(8kg), and I can do it, I know it, I will run 1,8miles (3km) every day, plus I will eat more healthy. (btw check out this diet plan – it is TOTALLY WORKING, I swear – DUKAN DIET ) you don’t have to pay the money though, I can email you a free ebook of the diet plan if you need. 🙂 just post below your e-mail, and I’ll send it to you within 24 hours. 🙂

Secondly, starting with june 10th I will work on becoming more organized, I’ll never leave anything to the last moment..Next year I’m going to be a straight-A-student , plus I’ll learn Spanish.

At last, but not least – as soon as I finish my current goal plan (what I’ve mentioned above) ” ready for the IB” – I will set the next goal…and with every step I go – I will get closer to feeling good about myself, my abilities, my achievements and success… I will be the person I’ve always wanted to be – the best me.

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[part 2]

This time I’m not here to talk about self-acceptance or self-belief, no, I’m here to talk about fulfilling yourself.. We try to tell everyone that you are happy the way you are, you even try to convince yourself…Then in the “rainy” days, you realize that you’re unhappy, you don’t feel as beautiful as you claim to be… But what we never realize is that those “rainy” days are gifts from above… those are the times you should finally realize- that you need to change something… It’s hard to change your little habits, little flaws… but change your whole life.. .your lifestyle… Dare to be someone else in order to find yourself.. Dress as if you were the only person in the world, sing as if you were the only person in the room, dance as if nobody was watching, laugh as if nobody was hurting you…Dare to be crazy and outgoing….Dare to be quiet and reserved…Dare to be self-confident and emphatic…Dare to be the opposite to the every day you… Look at the small things…think about the details…be a perfectionist…Cause every self-loving woman needs to feel as graceful as a movie star, as beautiful as a supermodel and as happy as person in love…because if you don’t love yourself, nobody will love you…You don’t need to loose those pounds because of someone else, no, you need to loose them if YOU yourself feel like it…you don’t need to be an athlete because someone else wants you to be one, you must want to be one yourself… that is the secret- DO WHAT YOU WAN’T TO DO, INSTEAD OF WHAT OTHERS THINK YOU HAVE TO DO! – that’s the secret for happiness.

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p.s. I have a question… Do you want me to post my progress on losing weight? I guarantee tips that are cheap ( the cost of food) , I’ll give the e-books for free etc. 🙂 Do you think it’s necessary? Please answer below. 🙂 

-Jenn*

impatience

Why am I so impatient?Don’t tell me I’m alone…I honestly don’t know what is worse than waiting for me…Been waiting for the exam results for 1,5days now…it feels like 2 weeks already…I know that the results will be available tomorrow…but that is so long…My life can change….I did the biggest step last week by passing the maths test…but this one… who knows… nobody is sure about the results, they are unpredictable…It’s so frustrating to wait… I’m freaking out…. This is a life changing step for me….I mean a step forward my dreams I had almost given up on….the biggest step I could make now…a huge step actually…I wasn’t nervous writing it, only waiting is what is so unbelievably hard…I can’t be the only one to be impatient, can I? I mean why are we so nervous about the waiting phase? I guess it’s because we realize there’s nothing we can do but wait….and the feeling is so bad…not bad actually, more emotive….It’s like my heart is beating irregularly…like I’ve put 300 pounds on my heart…like I can’t think, can’t do anything….It’s not the outcome I’m worrying about, I just need to know….whether it’s positive or negative – it’s just the answer I need to know… I feel like squirrels are dancing in my stomach….in my heart….It’s like my world is spinning around this waiting…my world has stopped…but it’s still going…like time is not present here…but it’s still ticking as fast as before…like I’m over obsessed ….but still not caring… Such controversial feelings and emotions going through me… I don’t think I’ll feel destroyed if I fail, but I know I’ll be the happiest person in world if I pass.. It could give me the confidence I have always been searching for…what I need to be satisfied with myself, you know?….What is the answer?… is it YES, is it NO? I just need to know… I just need to know immediately….I really do….