I want success as my middle name

­              Some say that having a goal in life is what counts, many don’t realize that a goal without a plan is just a wish. People who dream big ,achieve a lot they say, I say people who work hard for their achievements are the only ones who achieve anything remarkable in life,  What I don’t understand is people saying that they are ready to change things they don’t like, but they are not ready to make any sacrifices. Success doesn’t come easy, you have to earn it.” People who are crazy enough to believe that they can change the world, usually are the ones who do”, of course everything starts with a dream, later you develop into your goal, then you generate a plan and then you do the dirty work, but it seems that many are not ready to do the last part. You can’t expect to lose weight, become a genius or win a marathon with just a plan you never did. You want to lose weight, but at the same time you go and eat a cookie, you go and drink a coffee – where is the dedication you told about? If you want to achieve something in this life – be ready to make sacrifices, nothing comes easy and immediately, it takes time, courage, self control and dedication, but most of all – hard work. Not saying you can’t, not stopping when you’re out of breath, not quitting when you don’t see the results you wanted, not fall while you’re going for it – that is what it takes. So maybe before you waste your time doing things that will never result in the way you wish they did, maybe think about whether you are at the point of your life where you understand what it takes.

Also, stop whining about not succeeding after a week. No champion ever has become a champion after a week or even a year of practice. Life is not a garden of roses, nothing worth having ever comes easy. If you don’t succeed – run longer, jump higher, work harder, keep trying, keep going, unless you faint, vomit or die, you can do more. And when your legs are tired, run with your heart.

The most powerful thing one has been given is self-discipline, unfortunately many don’t quite use it, it’s easier to eat a pack of chips than run that 5k, I know. It’s much more pleasure to go to McDonalds than prepare your own healthy meal, I know. It is easier to drive by car than the bicycle, I know. But if “easier” is what you’re looking for, then you don’t need success. You already succeed by not doing anything.

And if you decide that you really want to be successful and you’re ready to finally aim for what’s important – then we’re talking. Don’t worry about failing, get up and keep trying. No master has ever become master without failing, you learn by your mistakes and you know you have learned from it when you don’t ever repeat it. You don’t need to be the best to start your journey, but you do need to start your journey to be the best.

Most importantly, don’t think it’s a matter of a month. No, you didn’t gain those pounds over a week, you didn’t fall back in your studies in a week, don’t expect to get everything better be immediate. Keep going and you’ll get there.



You may hold my hand for a while, but you hold my heart forever.

By the way she kept staring in one direction, you couldn’t tell if she was really looking into his eyes or just had gotten lost deep in her own thoughts. For a minute there his heart stopped, the girl with these tiffany blue eyes was the same girl he had to leave behind. In about 20 minutes from now, tears will be flowing endlessly from these eyes, the eyes he knew so well, the eyes he had loved since the very first day. In 20 minutes from now, she’ll probably scream how much she hates him and how she never wants to see him again, and then with eyes filled with tears, she’ll make the face that made his heart break every time – the face with no emotion, the face full of hatred and emptiness. And then he’d go. And he’d never see these eyes again. He knew that he was about to break her heart, he knew she was going to feel like he had never loved her, like he didn’t care. But there was no other way. 20 minutes was all he had left with the most precious thing in his life, 20 minutes with his life. See, he knew perfectly that when he left her, he’d never be the same, he’s about to leave his heart behind and he could do nothing to take it with him…even if he wanted to. A tear appeared in the left corner of his eye, he had never felt so vulnerable and yet he was powerful enough to destroy the strongest person he knew. She wiped his tear off and asked in a trembling voice about what was going on? That moment he felt million bees going for his stomach, he felt sick, sick to his stomach, last conversation had begun, it was only a conversation, but it was so much more – it was apocalypse – the end of the world, their world. Moments passed and his lips remained sealed, he couldn’t say those words, he couldn’t do this to the only person who had never lost faith in him, the only person who was always there, the only one who would never do this to him. From a calm sea of love and pure friendliness her eyes had turned into a wild sea filled with confusion, fear and heartbreak. She knew. She felt it. “Don’t say it” – she whispered – “You’re here, I’m here, nothing else matters. Don’t say it” – her voice broke and she started crying lightly. “I can’t stay. You are in my way to moving forward, you’re in my way. I don’t want to be rude to you, believe me, but I can’t love you, you remind me too much of what I do not want to remember. I will not come back and don’t you come looking for me. I’m leaving, that means I’m leaving you behind my present, I don’t want you there anymore. And I’d tell you I was sorry, but the truth is, I’m really not – I need a break, I’ve been running from my past and that’s only because of you. ” – he spoke slowly, sometimes spluttering, sometimes just quavering. The eyes he knew were no longer looking into his, they were jumping from one point to another seeking for an escape, she couldn’t believe what she was hearing just as much as he couldn’t believe what he had just said. He kept his stone cold posture, looking in her eyes with an empty expression, she let  go of his hand, which she had firmly held in hers the whole time. He stood up and headed out the room immediately, just when he had reached the door, he gave her the last look, he saw her just sitting there completely still… completely empty. Well, that made two of them.

    How often in life can you be sure that you’ve met the one? How often can you believe with all your heart that there will never be another? The chances  are one in a million. And even if you do meet the one you can surely call your soul mate, the one you truly lose your heart to, it doesn’t mean you have forever. See, life is not fair. You can try to climb the walls, swim the seas, walk the distances, but life is fragile. Forever never lasts. And just when you think you are there, the moment you realize you have found the one you’d die for, tell them immediately, don’t wait for anything, cause tomorrow may never come. There will always be something trying to tear you apart, someone trying to break what you think is unbreakable. But nothing is more breakable than perfection and happiness. People lie, jealousy overcomes their sanity, no humanity is present.  Cherish the moments you’re happy, because any one of them may be the last one, and when your life will flash behind your eyes before you die  – you don’t want to see regrets. Don’t die empty. Don’t take anything for granted. 

Months had passed and he hadn’t heard a thing about her, he knew it was better this way, but that didn’t make it easier. Four months ago he was happy, and the worst part was that he remembered that. He had lost EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING. but he could still remember. “But, god, why? It hurts enough as it is, why make me still understand all the things I’ve done, why make me remember? You’ve taken my ability to move my legs, my arms, even my neck but you can’t seem to finally take my sanity away. Is this my punishment for what I did to her? I had to do it. I couldn’t have let her see me this way, it would have hurt more to be with me like this than to think I never loved her at all. I did what I had to do. TAKE ME AWAY. DON’T MAKE ME BEAR THESE THOUGHTS EVERY DAY.”

The door opened and someone walked in, he didn’t care much though, unless it was someone ready to relieve him, make the pain go away, make him pass away. No, it seemed like god had taken a step closer to making him suffer endlessly, as if he was in one of the Dante’s circles of hell. He smelled something, something he could recognize anywhere. And then he heard it too, for a moment he thought that maybe he already was insane. She opened her mouth and stammered : “B-b-b-aby. You didn’t think that a-a-a-fter all those times you told me you loved me with that s-s-sparkle in your eyes, I’d fall for on-on-e time y-y-you said you didn’t, did-d-d you? Just after you had left, I begun to search for-r-r you and when I finally did, I-I-I was shat-t-tered. I know you p-p-probably don’t understand me or even recognize me, but I had to c-c-come. Just one last time. The doctor said that they were keeping you alive, that you are w-w-w-what they call v-v-eg-e.. I can’t. B-b-baby .Do you hear me?”. He had never tried to move his body so hard in his life, but he just couldn’t, all he could give her was a wink of an eye, but it was enough. He looked into her eyes and he found the way to make sound come out of his mouth : “End this, please” he muttered…. She stared into his eyes and didn’t move. Hours had gone by, all this time she had been sitting in the corner of the room and swinging slightly. She suddenly jumped up, run up to him, looked him in the eyes, mouthed the words ” I love you ” and pulled the wires out, the only source of life he still had left. She killed him. Without him, she had no reason to live what so ever, so she just cut herself all the way across her vein. Ironic how her every thought was similar to what he had been thinking about – about the punishment of god, about doing the right thing. Her eyes fell open, as seen in horror movies, she managed to whisper “Life’s only guarantee is death, and we never break a promise, cause starting today we’ve gotten here. No amount of time with you will ever be enough, but I’m willing to start with forever”

And then she stopped breathing. Just like that. Death, the sable smoke where vanishes the flame.

wow, April.. really?

Can you believe it’s April already? Seems like it’s been just a few weeks since first snow and now we’re already counting days til summer. Right now nothing seems more calming than just the thought about being in Spain, taking that glass of iced orange juice, sitting by the pool with my laptop and blogging, sunbathing and just enjoying the weather. I partied a lot last summer and from what I have learned – that is not my life-style. I’d much rather just chill with my friends and alone, yes, being alone lot more is one of my top requirements for this summer now. I feel like – I need to get serious about my writing again, I’m even ashamed myself that the only writing I’ve done is updating my blog few times a month, which is pretty bad. This summer, the summer before IBDP starts, I’ve decided to be my ambitious self again, aiming, working, achieving.

I see how this new life-style has changed me, both in a good and a bad way. People convinced me I was planning my future too early, so I quit. And so on. See, I’ve created myself, now I just need to grind myself to be exactly the way I want – I’m speaking about both – appearance and personality.

I’ve noticed a strange thing about myself… If I put my mind to something particular, I can do it, whatever it is, no matter how impossible it seems, but if I’m just seeking for the right direction – it always leads to degradation, so planning is back. Let’s get organized.


Summer here I come.(:


about the 80/20, which turned out to be bullshit ;)

    If you’ve been reading my posts, you’ve probably noticed that I used to say that you can eat sweets and whatever you want as long as you follow the 80/20 principle. Well, this time I’m here to tell you that all was a big bullshit. I liked to believe that I could still drink coffee, alcohol or eat chocolate cake or at McDonalds as long as I followed the principle and counted my calories. Well, let me tell you – that was a lie. I didn’t lie on purpose, but it still doesn’t change the fact that I misled myself and you all from the right track. See, the truth is –  you can exercise as much as you want, you can eat as less as you want, but you will NEVER lose weight permanently if you don’t change your eating habits completely. You need to commit to a life long healthy life style filled with healthy meals, outdoor activities etc.
    I can imagine you thinking  : “but that’s impossible”, well not to sound rude but the only thing I can tell you is – suck it up, baby. I did. You can chose fit body or Cheeseburger, you can choose turning heads when you walk through the door or you can choose a piece of cake. Your choice. Many of us, overweight people, don’t really want to lose weight – we just kind of want it, and that is our biggest problem.
    See, after having this battle with myself over and over again I realized that I will hate myself after that cake or after that bigMac, but I will love myself with that fit body I’m going for. And after all am I really that weak to lose a war with food?Like, seriously? No. I’m taking a stand against my weaknesses. I made a special list of enemy foods, which contain such things as alcohol, coca cola (any kind), cheesecake (my favorite cake), ice cream (ben&jerry’s – bye bye), coffee drinks (oh no, no more starbucks and costa 😦 ), bread, hot-dogs, fried potatoes and so on. I know I might not be able to quit everything immediately, so when I do take a coke, I  take a can instead of a bottle and drink only a half of it, so basically, instead of the usual amount of 0,5, I drink only 0,15. That’s an improvement I think. And see, I believe that this way – I WILL lose the weight. It can’t be differently, I mean – I am living a healthy life-style, why wouldn’t I become what I want?

what we think, we become /Buddha


Keep on trying! 🙂

You’re the queen of the superficial

     So there’s this thought constantly running through my mind. If you’re human, I can surely say that at least once in your life you’ve made fun of someone ( maybe not to their faces, but still..)… But who are we to laugh at someone? Do you know their story? Do you know why the girl in your class is fat? Do you know why the boy from your school is crying?

    See I took a day off the life in my throne of superficiality and for the whole day whenever I saw a person I had at lest 10 versions of his/her possible story. Couldn’t make fun of anyone because I know my story. I know people may make fun of me, even though they don’t know it. See, that is a vicious circle. People especially girls that are known as prettier than others are often very superficial. But it’s not the people that are ugly or not as pretty, it’s society that’s fucked up. Don’t you see it?

    Let’s take a look at an example. So this girl below is a model. She is beautiful. But still there are people who will see her picture and say – she’s too thin, she’s too fat, her lips are too massive, her hair is messy.



       Also remarks like

1) “Oh, my god, Angelina Jolie is too thin, she may be anorexic”

2)  “Paris Hilton colored her hair but she doesn’t look a dime smarter”

3) “Chloe Kardashian has put on too much weight”

–> How are these any of your businesses? Mind your own life. Stop being superficial and judgmental. Nobody asked you, mrs./mr. Perfect. Just think before you speak.

“Winners find a way, losers find an excuse”

     So the beach season is coming and many of us are thinking the same old thing again “I need to get ready for the swimsuit season”. Well, I’m here to help you with finding your motivation, diet plan, work out plan and just feel great.

     Buying a membership in a gym isn’t the first step yet…. believe me. The first step is finding your motivation… you may think you have a motivation and it looks somewhat this :


… although that is great motivation… you still need a little boost. I got mine by purchasing the most adorable NIKE gym clothes I could find. I feel happy to just put them on and I feel like working out instantly.

     Also, you can’t just pop up in the gym for the first time and work out… it doesn’t work that way. You need a work out plan, because just doing something ends up worse than doing nothing.. Ask the people who work there where should you start, that’s the reason why they are there:)

     So…ok, you’re at the gym… you’re working out and you feel like your legs are starting to slow down and you can’t find your strength anymore…. download and listen to this motivational video… it is the best motivation I’ve ever seen –> https://jennrocksyourworld.wordpress.com/2012/03/09/how-bad-do-you-want-it/

     Also, make sure you make your own work-out playlist full of music that motivates you to keep going. I, for example, put the video mentioned above in the playlist in several copies, so I hear it more often.

     Just working out isn’t enough to get fit… You can work out all you want, but if you keep eating at McDonalds 2 times a day – you will still be fat. The best diet is calorie counting… find out your BMI and the calories you need to consume every day to achieve your goal weight. Eat whatever you want, but NEVER exceed your calorie count.

     The most important thing is to remember : “When you feel like giving up, remember why you were holding on for so long”…. also : “Don’t you dare to complain about being fat and then go and eat a pack of chips” … and finally remember this :  ” Do you want to be sexy? Or do you want to eat french fries? – which would make you happier in the long term? – you’d eat your fries and then hate yourself, but you’ll never regret skipping the fries when you get fit.”:)

Being nice to those you don’t like, is not called being two faced, it’s called growing up. You should try that, bitch. :)

We all know that we can never like everyone and never be liked by everyone, right? But is your dislike for somebody good enough reason to ruin the job they have done? The success they have achieved? or the holiday they have earned? In this post, I just want to share my thoughts on this topic with you and hopefully make you one of those few people out there who are not afraid to say what you really think.

Firstly, I would like to point out that it is OK for you not to like somebody for as long as there is a reason. Hating someone you don’t know (like – OMG, Eva Mendez is dating Ryan Gosling – I HATE HER. I WILL KILL HER.) or just like that (oh, she’s fat bitch, stupid damn tart) – these are not reasons and never will be. That is just you being a mean person.

In addition, I want to point out that revenge is never worth it. The best way to hurt the person that doesn’t like you, is being happy and confident, and just ignorant about their attempts to ruin spoil your day.  Just be nice to them. These people, especially if they are often trying to hurt you without you even knowing that, they are losers. That is the description of a weak ,unstable and mean person right there – in front of you. Just be nice, smile and keep smiling because nobody has the right to ruin your day. Nobody actually can ruin your day, except you, the way you perceive a situation, a person or a problem. It’s all about perception.

Also, by doing this, you will make others see her as the “bad guy” here, because all you will be is nice, but she still keeps talking behind your back and other mean and harmful things. And when all you do about is – is laugh and say that it doesn’t matter nor do you care – others will start to see her in a whole new light. See, that way you can have your revenge without even trying to, without doing anything wrong.

And the most important thing to remember is – never act while angry – those are the times we make most mistakes, times we regret the most. Just cool down your head – go for a run, for a walk, just listen to your favorite CD and calm down, and then think about what I told you. Sure, it won’t be the fastest way to make her miserable, but it will most certainly be the most long-lasting one. 🙂

And this is me saying it out of all 7 billion people, me, who likes justice or what I like to call justice. So maybe it is worth considering next time when you feel like hating someone.:)

“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”

For past few weeks or even months I’ve been telling myself I’m exhausted from all the things that I’ve been doing, only now I realize I’m exhausted from not doing enough. You may wonder how is it even possible, well it is. I’ve always considered myself an ambitious person, well but there is a necessity for a munition that equals the ambition. And apparently I’ve been trying to kill someone with an empty bullet. I had forgotten how much I need to keep moving forward, keep succeeding to be happy. I’ve lost my confidence and I put the blame on the wrong reasons. I know finally realize that I had forgotten to be the person I taught myself to be, I had forgotten who I am and was someone I was not instead.

There are a lot of ways to keep my life the way I want it, but in long term I know very well what I want  – I  want success. And I can’t gain that by sitting at Starbucks or chilling at Cinnabon with my friends. I don’t know how it started, I guess the same old story – being desperate to fit in, oh well, fuck that. I’m the only one responsible for my life yesterday, today and tomorrow. And I am the one who needs to take action to complete my needs and wants.

Of course I can’t deny that I have changed due to recent events in my life, but I can’t let myself to fall to the shallow life of people who only care about today…. I don’t think you should be focusing on future all the time, but how does calling procrastination cool makes you cool? How does not studying make you cool? And I somehow started believing it is. And so what if it is ? I’m not going for ‘cool’, I’m going for “success” .

Yes, I like to party but at the same time I like to work hard and see the results of my work. But I’ve let myself drop to the level where nobody will ever trust me anything important in this company. ISN’T IT ALL I NEVER WANTED TO HAPPEN? WHAT HAVE I DONE? From this day on I’ll party hard but work even harder. Cause for those who do not have workdays, they don’t have Sundays either. I hope you get where I’m coming from.

I don’t know why every time I seem to have found my way, I always lose it, but I always do. And that is the main thing I have to change in my attitude… in my actions.

See a little while ago I found the most motivating video I had ever seen, I felt guilty for going to sleep and not doing more… well…. as usual, it was 3 days of hard work and then I slipped again… Why? I don’t know. But if I continue this way, I will be studying in University of Latvia instead of Brown or Pennsylvania or some other IVY league school.

If I don’t take action now, average is all I’m ever going to be. And that is not enough. I’m not saying I’ll stop having fun, no, but I will earn the fun with hard, hard work. Not starting today or tomorrow or a week from now. But NOW. Right now. Now.



Par referenduma propagandu.

Lasu diskusijas par rīt gaidāmo referendumu, un brīnos, ka tik daudz latviešu patriotu. Pavisam negaidot, prātā ataust skolā apgūtais jaunlatviešu laiks, kad, savukārt, latvieši savu tautību noliedza, slēpa un nomelnoja. Nekad neesmu bijis galejību cilvēks, tāpēc neizpratni rada šie tik ļoti atšķirīgi, tomēr abi nepieņemamie, uzvedības etaloni, kā tas tagad tiek dēvēts – vienīgā patiesība, pareizā patiesība. Dažādu vēsturisku faktoru dēļ Latvijā ir daudz krievu tautības cilvēku, bet tomēr nesaprotu, kāpēc tie visi tiek ielikti vienā kastīte ar nosaukumu “krievs”. Tautība taču nav diagnoze?! Es neatbalstu krievu valodu kā otro valsts valodu, bet tomēr nepiekrītu pārmērīgajai nacionālistiskajai propagandai, kas ir novērojama sociālajos tīmekļos, kad cilvēki, kas nepārzin savas slavētās dzimtās valodas elementāro gramatiku. Ja runā, tad runā par faktiem, par kuriem esi tiesīgs runāt, nevis māci citus tajā, kur pats neko nesajēdz.
Latviešu valoda ir un būs vienīgā Latvijas valsts valoda, skaidrs, ka vispār pieļaujot referenduma rīkošanu varēja un sākās nelieli konflikti, bet vai tad tiem nevajadzētu būt par latviešu valodu, par mūsu valodas saglabāšanu, nevis pret krieviem un Krieviju? Paskatieties spogulī, sev acīs, un pasakiet, ka esat tīrs latvietis, un es jums parādīšu, kur šauj meļus.
Lai arī sabiedrība ir ļoti attīstījusies, tā tomēr arī degradējas, jo tiek meklēti un atrasti ar vien zemiskāki un nožēlojamāki veidi, kā ieriebt līdzcilvēkiem. Atcerēsimies Viljama Šekspīra lugu “Romeo un Džuljeta”, kurā jau gadu desmitiem starp divām dzimtām norisinās karš, kura pirmatnīgo iemeslu neviens jau sen neatceras un karš lēnām ir pārvērties par atriebi, atriebi par izlietajām asinīm, nebeidzams apburtais loks. Tāpat arī mūsdienās. Neticu, ka iebilstat pret krieviem tāpēc, ka tie reiz mūsu valsti okupējuši… varbūt daļēja patiesība, bet ne pilnībā… Kāpēc tad katru reizi ieejot veikalā jūs pārdevējai atbildat krieviski? Kāpēc jūs vispār runājat krievu valodā Latvijā, vietā, kur jūsuprāt  tai nav vietas?
Arī referenduma biļeteni, manuprāt, ir nekorekti. Mums nav jābūt PRET krievu valodu, bet gan PAR latviešu valodu kā vienīgo. PAR PAR PAR, nevis PRET kādu. Tā jau rodas karš, esot pret kaut ko, nevis par kaut ko citu.
Tāpēc rīt, 18. februārī, izpildi savu latvieša pienākumu ne tikai nobalsojot “PRET”, bet arī sākot censties attaisnot savu tautu, savu valodu, savu valsti. Parakstoties referendumā, tu nekļūsti par latviešu patriotu, tu sevi par tādu sludini, tāpēc attaisno to mācoties, attaisno to ievērojot gramatikas, stilistikas un ortogrāfijas normas. Esi latvietis, esi PAR latviešu valodu, nevis PRET krievu valodu.

p.s. Lai referendumā atbalstītu latviešu valodu kā vienīgo valsts valodu, tev jāievelk krustiņš pie “PRET” krievu valodu kā otro valsts valodu.