Loneliness is a bitch

Why is it that all women ever talk about anymore is men? Even when alone, we play out these incredibly beautiful scenarios in our heads, making it almost impossible for anyone to meet our expectations. It’s not that I’m expecting … Continue reading

A middle aged adolescent

Although most of middle aged people would still call me a child, I beg to differ. I am at, what I believe is one of the toughest ages to be at, when you have to make decisions that will affect … Continue reading

I have found that if you love life, life will love you back.

I never quite understood why they say that opposites attract, because in my experience I’ve noticed a tendency of attitude to attract similar attitude, a person to attract a similar person. I think that these “opposites attract” cases are just … Continue reading

Think you’re escaping and run into yourself. Longest way round is the shortest way home.

Seems to me people are always searching for second chances and ways to start over new. It’s gotten to a point where some people go under the knife to revert the consequences of a night or several they no longer … Continue reading

One shoe doesn’t fit everyone.

I wanted to open up with you and tell you the story of how I went against what is believed to be right, only to find myself in the best place I’ve been in yet. Society is full of what … Continue reading

Stay true to yourself because there are very few people who will stay true to you.

It’s never your enemies that get you. It’s always your own people.The ones you hate don’t have the power  to hurt you. I know I’ve always said everything depends on the way you perceive it, but sometimes you don’t really get options. See, I never thought I’d be starting to write about people I know, but I’m tired of acting as if I was fine. “It is very difficult to make me mad” – I always say, but it’s really not that hard these days… because no matter what I do, others seem to know better. No matter what I say, others seem to have heard something else therefor I choose to take my journey of life alone. It may be wrong but I was proven one more time that the only person you can really trust is you yourself.  See the weirdest part is being mad at people for doing what they are doing to you when you hate yourself deeply for the exact same thing you’ve done. So what if it is my biggest regret of all? So what if I have never felt this guilty for anything? So what? I did it. I am a bitch too. At least I have the guts to admit it. See, I hate drama, I really can’t stand it at all, so I’ve stopped contacting people who bring that in my life. And right now I’m scared for my life. I’m scared from the person I’ve become – someone who doesn’t take school seriously AT ALL, someone who does stuff to regret with all my heart later, this feeling of emptiness and sorrow…. I hate myself more than I hate these people who are trying to ruin my life actually. Because a friend of mine said : “the only person who can ruin your life is you yourself”, and she was right. I was denying it though…. but I just don’t see a point of anything anymore. My life is so fucked up again…. more than ever perhaps… I’m in the middle of drama I was trying to avoid. See, there is a difference between when realizing your life has been ruined and when you have ruined your own life. And let me just tell you that I am feeling nothing right now. Nothing at all. Just regret and disappointment in myself. And that is the worst part. I can act I don’t care about what others say or do, but I can’t deny I’ve ruined my own life, my own feelings, friendships. I’m the only cause for all of my problems and long time issues. I can accuse whoever I want to accuse for my problems but in the end I should have known better than trusting people who don’t care anyways. And why should they? In the end life always is about saving yourself… You don’t really think about who you’re leaving behind on the sinking ship your running away from… you don’t think about what you meant to them… you don’t think about what they would have done and actually DID for you, do you? And so on, disappointment after disappointment you eventually end up alone and lonely. No matter how many people are there around you. You’re on your own in sea full of sharks and no one will save you when it comes to them or you. Despite the desperate attempts to be angry at others, I end up feeling sorry for them… sorry for you… sorry for your miserable life in denial… life where drama is the way to tell people what you think… where talking behind ones back counts as communicating with the person. And in the end I sit here with an empty heart but I still have more than you do. I have myself. Struggled one, I agree, but I have one. You have no one, you’re a nobody on it’s own. See, I once was there to catch you when you fell but now I’d rather let you face your life on your own…. alone.  And even though in your opinion  I may be completely wrong about the whole thing, because you know you are the most popular person in the World, the smartest kid in school and most probably the prettiest person in the room. you are just a drama queen who somehow thinks that my life is miserable, you’re the one desperately trying to get attention by talking about it so you might as well stop while it’s not too late. It’s me, I get it, people are people, just human beings, they make mistakes, we make mistakes. But when you do, just admit it. Save your soul before it’s sent to burn in the eternal flames of repentance.

You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel.

I know I haven’t been writing for a while now and that is maybe because I’ve spent last 2 months pretty much just locking myself out of this reality… I am just relaxing and not thinking about anything…. what a waste of time huh? but when actually this is just a silence before the storm… I haven’t even been myself in last few posts huh? My blog suddenly shows that my life has become this wonderful place when it’s really not. Lie after lie… I lie to myself… I tell you it’s okay, I lie…But I only do that because I am trying to believe that lie myself. It’s easier to believe I’m fine than talk it out when nobody really cares… It’s easier to cry it out when nobody ever hears… It is so easy…. so easy… until it’s not anymore… til it becomes a nightmare chasing you in your own dreams… til it becomes reality you can’t escape by lying to them all… What difference will there be if nothing has changed til this day? What reason is there to talk if it always ends up the same? How do you say,what you’re feeling, out loud when really there is just pain. How do you make them realize that nothing is ever fine. How do you make them see – there’s nothing besides pain. You close your eyes and you fly… you close your eyes and you love… you close your eyes and you’re alive… You close your eyes to be alright. But when you close your eyes a tear falls… and another follows… you don’t control it anymore.. it’s not alright.. it’s not fInE. IT’S NOT OKAY. You start yelling… you yell.. you scream.. and then you stop.. just for a second you stop… it goes through your head, like a movie that’s been put together of all the memories that have made you cry… You see how it has never been good… you see how all he’s done is hurt you… you see that it has been that way ever since you were a kid… You see the conversations you’ve had… you see how he has always made you cry.. You see how you’ve waited til the day you’d get away… you see it all…. it takes a while to realize… you are not there… you never were… you never will… you realize you don’t really care where you’re going to… as long as it’s further away from home… you see how people think what it’s like to be in your shoes.. when they really don’t see the truth… so you live the lie… you live the masquerade… and sit there silent… like if you were held in hostage…. no not like.. you are… and you can’t get away… never could… but you know that soon you will be ready… and soon you can… You think of the day you can tell him that’s over.. no more hurting you… no more making you cry… you sit quietly and wait for the day… for the day he realizes he screwed it all up… for the day he’ll realize he has hurt you… you close your eyes and you think of that day…. and suddenly you fall asleep thinking that soon… soon you will be okay…that soon you’ll fly away from this nightmare that has taken over your life… and then… then… then it really is alright…. not because you have closed your eyes… but you have closed your heart on him.





Your stomach shouldn’t be a waist basket. ~

Hey everyone! I’m here to share you the best weight loosing tips I’ve found and/or used myself, which really work. 20 tips from which if you used 5 or 10, you’d already begin a right path. Hope it helps!:)

1. Find your REAL motivation… Many people suggest that you imagine how great you’d look or how much attention you may get but that one never seemed to work for me.. .well it did at first but I never stayed motivated for a long time.

2. Learn to accept your flaws in order to change them. Especially if you’re one of the “eat to cure pain” people then this is exactly your key to succesfully loosing weight. If you’re happy and not focused on the overweight you have as the worst thing that could possibly happen to anyone, you will more likely to realize that the only reason you should get fit is FOR YOURSELF. And why exactly would this cause you problems? If you think you look good already you will more likely easily look even better when you don’t feel that loosing weight is your number one priority but just another step into making yourself the person you want to see.

3. When you’re on a diet, don’t think of it that way. Don’t say “oh no , I can’t eat potatoes, cause I’m on a diet”, instead of that try saying ” I’ve recently begun practising a healthier lifestyle and this food is not really healthy for me”

4. Don’t think that when you’re on a diet you have to eat this low fat products, that’s a lie. You have to find delicious foods that are low fat and low calories. I will share some good recipes some other day, so prepare to see how delicious can loosing weight be.

5. If you don’t like to excersise, go for a swim and instead of fooling around in the pool, swim back and forward for 10 minutes straight or, for example, ride a bike on the beach with your friend, it will be a good excersise and also a good time. Remember that excersising is not only doing push ups and sit ups but it’s a really wide term. Volleyball, basketball, handball, soccer, golf, bowling, tennis, swimming, biking, running, WALKING, dancing – these are all excersises. My biggest advice would be to avoid sports you don’t like because you will soon loose motivation and also when you do this sport don’t think about loosing your weight but about being the best in the sport or excersise. And one more thing – you should excersise on a daily basis (not only while you’re overweight but after that as well), even walking is okay as long as you do it daily. Don’t go without an excersise more than 2 days straight under any circumstances. 

6. Take photos of yourself. Take a photo with yourself before the program and then do it every 5 days so you can visually see the progress you’re making because otherwise you see the scales show less but you see no improvement at all, I’ve been there, I know what the feeling is like when you feel like you’re doing so much and nothing happens, so now I use this method.

7. I don’t know if it is just me but while I’m on vacation (now I’m in Spain for example) and it really hot outside I just don’t feel like eating. What should you do? I do the following – I drink much liquid. You need to drink at least 8 glasses of water. Well that seems a lot right? Well, imagine if you drunk one glass of water every hour you’re awake. It isn’t too hard to drink a glass in an hour, right? .. then once a day I eat salad with salad cream, it is healthy but still has enough calories for me to go without eating more.

8. If you’re a coca-cola addict like me, choose coca-cola LIGHT instead of any other. Why? It has less sugar in it (and as we know – sugar is your worst enemy) and it has less calories, it’s still not healthy but it’s so much better, there are many popular diets that ALLOW coca-cola light but absolutely don’t support any other soft drink.

9. Don’t think that while you’re on your healthy path to the ideal weight you are not allowed to eat grilled chicken for example. Just don’t add oil or fats. AVOID ketchup! You can eat any fish and almost every meat if you just prepare it right.

10. One of the most important things in loosing weight or being healthy is a good night sleep. Did you know that sleeping hours from 10pm-12am each is like two hours of sleep later in night? Basically when you sleep from 10 to 12 you have slept 4 hours not 2, but, for example, 12 to 2 is already only 2 hours. If you have problems with sleep like me, drink tea before you go to sleep, do yoga, breathing excersises. ABSOLUTELY don’t go to bed right after you’ve watched TV or sat at the computer. I went to a sleep-doctor and she said me that is the most absurd thing to do.

11. This one works for most of people, all the other just think this is stupid.Buy yourself an expensive dress or suit in the size your goal is to be, because if you buy a cheap one it wont motivate you in getting in that piece of clothing.

12. If you decide to take running as your excersise, listen to your i-pod while running, think about the song not the miles you’re running, it really helps to improve your performance. How? Easy, all problems are the problems we make ourselves – by saying I can’t, I couldn’t, no way I can..

13. Take a little post-it note and write on your goal, simply, for example, 57kg’s, 130lbs, HAPPY etc. and stick it on your desk computer or whatever. ABSOLUTELY DO : write a sentece on a post-it note ” Every time you choose a chocolate biscuit instead of an apple, you choose to be fat” . Let that sentece rule your life.

14.Read the book Paul Bragg “The miracle of fasting” – it is an absolutely amazing way to clean your body from all the poision it has, all the hormones, nicotine or whatever. I’m not saying YOU HAVE to do this, just read it and if you still don’t feel like doing it fine.

15.Avoid eating in restaurants and caffes because it is the safest way to gaining weight. What to do if you have to go out to eat? There are two options – first one eat celeries, they are miracle workers, they break down fat in you body, eat celeries after every meal. I personally hate celeries that’s why me and my mom found an alternative to that one. There are these pills that very very natural and they work, they are like celeries packed in one little pill. The pills are called “liposinol“. The minus? Really expensive.

16. Don’t obsess over scale. You have to weigh yourself daily, yes, but not every few hours. The best way of finding out the most precise reading of your weight, you have to weigh yourself every morning, at the same time, before eating, dry, and either always before going to bathroom or after. FOR WOMEN : about 1 week before your menstruations you may gain 2-4lbs but don’t freak out, they will dissapear after your menstruations are over.

17. Find an alternative to eating. People usually eat a lot when they’re bored, when they have nothing to do. You can join a bookclub, study a language, even play poker to keep you from eating.

18. 50% of the time when people THINK they are hungry, they are actually just thirsty.

19. If you say “I’m fat and I’m not able to lose weight”, you’re right. Buddha saying is that we and the world around as are what we think.Positive thinking is also an important part of your weight-loss program.

20. Every time you want to give up, remember why were you holding on for so long. 

“Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try.”

Hey, everyone. I know I haven’t posted anything for a while now, but I just needed to clear my head… I have so much to say… So this post consists of 2 parts, in part 1 I talk about what’s happening in my life, about my dreams, and my goals etc. but part 2 is philosophical – as usual – about changes [this time I suggest them]… so if you don’t care about my life and what’s on my mind, you might as well skip part 1. 🙂

[part 1]

So remember my post “impatience” ? Well, everything worked out for me. So I am an example how everything and anything that seems impossible can easily become your reality, it just depends on how determined you are…I was doing everything I can to achieve this….and now all the crazy and unreachable dreams of mine are a step or two closer…in a very reachable way… So I know what I have to do now…and what I’m going to do now… I’ve never been more sure… Let me to introduce you to my new lifestyle

First of all after I reach one goal, I will chose and go for another, because that way I keep my life full of challenges…and I keep on developing myself..Now that I’ve reached this, I have time until september to lose 16lbs(8kg), and I can do it, I know it, I will run 1,8miles (3km) every day, plus I will eat more healthy. (btw check out this diet plan – it is TOTALLY WORKING, I swear – DUKAN DIET ) you don’t have to pay the money though, I can email you a free ebook of the diet plan if you need. 🙂 just post below your e-mail, and I’ll send it to you within 24 hours. 🙂

Secondly, starting with june 10th I will work on becoming more organized, I’ll never leave anything to the last moment..Next year I’m going to be a straight-A-student , plus I’ll learn Spanish.

At last, but not least – as soon as I finish my current goal plan (what I’ve mentioned above) ” ready for the IB” – I will set the next goal…and with every step I go – I will get closer to feeling good about myself, my abilities, my achievements and success… I will be the person I’ve always wanted to be – the best me.


[part 2]

This time I’m not here to talk about self-acceptance or self-belief, no, I’m here to talk about fulfilling yourself.. We try to tell everyone that you are happy the way you are, you even try to convince yourself…Then in the “rainy” days, you realize that you’re unhappy, you don’t feel as beautiful as you claim to be… But what we never realize is that those “rainy” days are gifts from above… those are the times you should finally realize- that you need to change something… It’s hard to change your little habits, little flaws… but change your whole life.. .your lifestyle… Dare to be someone else in order to find yourself.. Dress as if you were the only person in the world, sing as if you were the only person in the room, dance as if nobody was watching, laugh as if nobody was hurting you…Dare to be crazy and outgoing….Dare to be quiet and reserved…Dare to be self-confident and emphatic…Dare to be the opposite to the every day you… Look at the small things…think about the details…be a perfectionist…Cause every self-loving woman needs to feel as graceful as a movie star, as beautiful as a supermodel and as happy as person in love…because if you don’t love yourself, nobody will love you…You don’t need to loose those pounds because of someone else, no, you need to loose them if YOU yourself feel like it…you don’t need to be an athlete because someone else wants you to be one, you must want to be one yourself… that is the secret- DO WHAT YOU WAN’T TO DO, INSTEAD OF WHAT OTHERS THINK YOU HAVE TO DO! – that’s the secret for happiness.


p.s. I have a question… Do you want me to post my progress on losing weight? I guarantee tips that are cheap ( the cost of food) , I’ll give the e-books for free etc. 🙂 Do you think it’s necessary? Please answer below. 🙂 



Why am I so impatient?Don’t tell me I’m alone…I honestly don’t know what is worse than waiting for me…Been waiting for the exam results for 1,5days now…it feels like 2 weeks already…I know that the results will be available tomorrow…but that is so long…My life can change….I did the biggest step last week by passing the maths test…but this one… who knows… nobody is sure about the results, they are unpredictable…It’s so frustrating to wait… I’m freaking out…. This is a life changing step for me….I mean a step forward my dreams I had almost given up on….the biggest step I could make now…a huge step actually…I wasn’t nervous writing it, only waiting is what is so unbelievably hard…I can’t be the only one to be impatient, can I? I mean why are we so nervous about the waiting phase? I guess it’s because we realize there’s nothing we can do but wait….and the feeling is so bad…not bad actually, more emotive….It’s like my heart is beating irregularly…like I’ve put 300 pounds on my heart…like I can’t think, can’t do anything….It’s not the outcome I’m worrying about, I just need to know….whether it’s positive or negative – it’s just the answer I need to know… I feel like squirrels are dancing in my stomach….in my heart….It’s like my world is spinning around this waiting…my world has stopped…but it’s still going…like time is not present here…but it’s still ticking as fast as before…like I’m over obsessed ….but still not caring… Such controversial feelings and emotions going through me… I don’t think I’ll feel destroyed if I fail, but I know I’ll be the happiest person in world if I pass.. It could give me the confidence I have always been searching for…what I need to be satisfied with myself, you know?….What is the answer?… is it YES, is it NO? I just need to know… I just need to know immediately….I really do….