A middle aged adolescent

Although most of middle aged people would still call me a child, I beg to differ. I am at, what I believe is one of the toughest ages to be at, when you have to make decisions that will affect … Continue reading

I have found that if you love life, life will love you back.

I never quite understood why they say that opposites attract, because in my experience I’ve noticed a tendency of attitude to attract similar attitude, a person to attract a similar person. I think that these “opposites attract” cases are just … Continue reading

Think you’re escaping and run into yourself. Longest way round is the shortest way home.

Seems to me people are always searching for second chances and ways to start over new. It’s gotten to a point where some people go under the knife to revert the consequences of a night or several they no longer … Continue reading

You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel.

I know I haven’t been writing for a while now and that is maybe because I’ve spent last 2 months pretty much just locking myself out of this reality… I am just relaxing and not thinking about anything…. what a waste of time huh? but when actually this is just a silence before the storm… I haven’t even been myself in last few posts huh? My blog suddenly shows that my life has become this wonderful place when it’s really not. Lie after lie… I lie to myself… I tell you it’s okay, I lie…But I only do that because I am trying to believe that lie myself. It’s easier to believe I’m fine than talk it out when nobody really cares… It’s easier to cry it out when nobody ever hears… It is so easy…. so easy… until it’s not anymore… til it becomes a nightmare chasing you in your own dreams… til it becomes reality you can’t escape by lying to them all… What difference will there be if nothing has changed til this day? What reason is there to talk if it always ends up the same? How do you say,what you’re feeling, out loud when really there is just pain. How do you make them realize that nothing is ever fine. How do you make them see – there’s nothing besides pain. You close your eyes and you fly… you close your eyes and you love… you close your eyes and you’re alive… You close your eyes to be alright. But when you close your eyes a tear falls… and another follows… you don’t control it anymore.. it’s not alright.. it’s not fInE. IT’S NOT OKAY. You start yelling… you yell.. you scream.. and then you stop.. just for a second you stop… it goes through your head, like a movie that’s been put together of all the memories that have made you cry… You see how it has never been good… you see how all he’s done is hurt you… you see that it has been that way ever since you were a kid… You see the conversations you’ve had… you see how he has always made you cry.. You see how you’ve waited til the day you’d get away… you see it all…. it takes a while to realize… you are not there… you never were… you never will… you realize you don’t really care where you’re going to… as long as it’s further away from home… you see how people think what it’s like to be in your shoes.. when they really don’t see the truth… so you live the lie… you live the masquerade… and sit there silent… like if you were held in hostage…. no not like.. you are… and you can’t get away… never could… but you know that soon you will be ready… and soon you can… You think of the day you can tell him that’s over.. no more hurting you… no more making you cry… you sit quietly and wait for the day… for the day he realizes he screwed it all up… for the day he’ll realize he has hurt you… you close your eyes and you think of that day…. and suddenly you fall asleep thinking that soon… soon you will be okay…that soon you’ll fly away from this nightmare that has taken over your life… and then… then… then it really is alright…. not because you have closed your eyes… but you have closed your heart on him.

 

 

 

 

Your stomach shouldn’t be a waist basket. ~

Hey everyone! I’m here to share you the best weight loosing tips I’ve found and/or used myself, which really work. 20 tips from which if you used 5 or 10, you’d already begin a right path. Hope it helps!:)

1. Find your REAL motivation… Many people suggest that you imagine how great you’d look or how much attention you may get but that one never seemed to work for me.. .well it did at first but I never stayed motivated for a long time.

2. Learn to accept your flaws in order to change them. Especially if you’re one of the “eat to cure pain” people then this is exactly your key to succesfully loosing weight. If you’re happy and not focused on the overweight you have as the worst thing that could possibly happen to anyone, you will more likely to realize that the only reason you should get fit is FOR YOURSELF. And why exactly would this cause you problems? If you think you look good already you will more likely easily look even better when you don’t feel that loosing weight is your number one priority but just another step into making yourself the person you want to see.

3. When you’re on a diet, don’t think of it that way. Don’t say “oh no , I can’t eat potatoes, cause I’m on a diet”, instead of that try saying ” I’ve recently begun practising a healthier lifestyle and this food is not really healthy for me”

4. Don’t think that when you’re on a diet you have to eat this low fat products, that’s a lie. You have to find delicious foods that are low fat and low calories. I will share some good recipes some other day, so prepare to see how delicious can loosing weight be.

5. If you don’t like to excersise, go for a swim and instead of fooling around in the pool, swim back and forward for 10 minutes straight or, for example, ride a bike on the beach with your friend, it will be a good excersise and also a good time. Remember that excersising is not only doing push ups and sit ups but it’s a really wide term. Volleyball, basketball, handball, soccer, golf, bowling, tennis, swimming, biking, running, WALKING, dancing – these are all excersises. My biggest advice would be to avoid sports you don’t like because you will soon loose motivation and also when you do this sport don’t think about loosing your weight but about being the best in the sport or excersise. And one more thing – you should excersise on a daily basis (not only while you’re overweight but after that as well), even walking is okay as long as you do it daily. Don’t go without an excersise more than 2 days straight under any circumstances. 

6. Take photos of yourself. Take a photo with yourself before the program and then do it every 5 days so you can visually see the progress you’re making because otherwise you see the scales show less but you see no improvement at all, I’ve been there, I know what the feeling is like when you feel like you’re doing so much and nothing happens, so now I use this method.

7. I don’t know if it is just me but while I’m on vacation (now I’m in Spain for example) and it really hot outside I just don’t feel like eating. What should you do? I do the following – I drink much liquid. You need to drink at least 8 glasses of water. Well that seems a lot right? Well, imagine if you drunk one glass of water every hour you’re awake. It isn’t too hard to drink a glass in an hour, right? .. then once a day I eat salad with salad cream, it is healthy but still has enough calories for me to go without eating more.

8. If you’re a coca-cola addict like me, choose coca-cola LIGHT instead of any other. Why? It has less sugar in it (and as we know – sugar is your worst enemy) and it has less calories, it’s still not healthy but it’s so much better, there are many popular diets that ALLOW coca-cola light but absolutely don’t support any other soft drink.

9. Don’t think that while you’re on your healthy path to the ideal weight you are not allowed to eat grilled chicken for example. Just don’t add oil or fats. AVOID ketchup! You can eat any fish and almost every meat if you just prepare it right.

10. One of the most important things in loosing weight or being healthy is a good night sleep. Did you know that sleeping hours from 10pm-12am each is like two hours of sleep later in night? Basically when you sleep from 10 to 12 you have slept 4 hours not 2, but, for example, 12 to 2 is already only 2 hours. If you have problems with sleep like me, drink tea before you go to sleep, do yoga, breathing excersises. ABSOLUTELY don’t go to bed right after you’ve watched TV or sat at the computer. I went to a sleep-doctor and she said me that is the most absurd thing to do.

11. This one works for most of people, all the other just think this is stupid.Buy yourself an expensive dress or suit in the size your goal is to be, because if you buy a cheap one it wont motivate you in getting in that piece of clothing.

12. If you decide to take running as your excersise, listen to your i-pod while running, think about the song not the miles you’re running, it really helps to improve your performance. How? Easy, all problems are the problems we make ourselves – by saying I can’t, I couldn’t, no way I can..

13. Take a little post-it note and write on your goal, simply, for example, 57kg’s, 130lbs, HAPPY etc. and stick it on your desk computer or whatever. ABSOLUTELY DO : write a sentece on a post-it note ” Every time you choose a chocolate biscuit instead of an apple, you choose to be fat” . Let that sentece rule your life.

14.Read the book Paul Bragg “The miracle of fasting” – it is an absolutely amazing way to clean your body from all the poision it has, all the hormones, nicotine or whatever. I’m not saying YOU HAVE to do this, just read it and if you still don’t feel like doing it fine.

15.Avoid eating in restaurants and caffes because it is the safest way to gaining weight. What to do if you have to go out to eat? There are two options – first one eat celeries, they are miracle workers, they break down fat in you body, eat celeries after every meal. I personally hate celeries that’s why me and my mom found an alternative to that one. There are these pills that very very natural and they work, they are like celeries packed in one little pill. The pills are called “liposinol“. The minus? Really expensive.

16. Don’t obsess over scale. You have to weigh yourself daily, yes, but not every few hours. The best way of finding out the most precise reading of your weight, you have to weigh yourself every morning, at the same time, before eating, dry, and either always before going to bathroom or after. FOR WOMEN : about 1 week before your menstruations you may gain 2-4lbs but don’t freak out, they will dissapear after your menstruations are over.

17. Find an alternative to eating. People usually eat a lot when they’re bored, when they have nothing to do. You can join a bookclub, study a language, even play poker to keep you from eating.

18. 50% of the time when people THINK they are hungry, they are actually just thirsty.

19. If you say “I’m fat and I’m not able to lose weight”, you’re right. Buddha saying is that we and the world around as are what we think.Positive thinking is also an important part of your weight-loss program.

20. Every time you want to give up, remember why were you holding on for so long. 

If you can dream it, you can do it. / Walt Disney /

Take steps to come closer to your dreams, take baby steps, don’t rush. If you could find your way around the action it would be nice, but it just doesn’t work that way. KNOWING IS NOT ENOUGH! You must take action. Take baby steps, don’t run,  go a little closer, like approaching a bird, while afraid of scaring it away. And most importantly – DREAM. Because that is where the ideas come from. Don’t be afraid to dream, don’t lock away your dreams, never throw them away, cause one day they might be on the to-do list not what-if list. If right now it is your dream, you’re just not mature enough to execute them into reality, wait, don’t forget about them. The best ideas at first seem crazy, if they don’t they aren’t any good. I, for example, have many crazy ideas which all have come from dreams.  I still don’t know if I’ll ever have the courage to realize any of them, but hey, I’m getting there. I’ve realized what seemed impossible to me few months ago, that really made me believe that I can do just about anything when I’m really determined to. The other thing that concerns me is what my family would think if I started going for my dreams. I know – it’s so stupid. But I’ve always been really good at school, especially math, physics etc. but now I want to do something you can do when you’re brainless (well almost, you need to have logical thinking)…Third concern of mine is that even if I was about to realize my dreams – I can’t do it here, there is no future prospects for that here, I would have to go all over the world, which makes it even harder to do . But no, I’m not giving up, I’ve put the ideas on record, so when I am ready for them I have them. The more I dream and the more I move forward, the more I realize – I can do whatever I want to if I just thought of it first. If you can dream it, you can do it. SO DO IT!

 

all i’m asking is don’t make promises you can’t keep. and dont say things you don’t mean. cause in the end, those things mean everything.

” I will never forget you”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep”

“I’m not..”

“People always forget, it’s in their nature, you can’t change your nature”

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Being close to someone is hard…when you loose them…You say you never will forget them and you really mean it…you cry for them, you miss them…. and you think you always will… I don’t want to forget! NO! I want to remember every second we spent together, I do. I miss every moment with you, I miss you so terribly. Why is this happening? Why? Why are my memories slowly fading away? No! I need to remember, I need to… This is just killing me… I feel how I can’t remember your smell anymore, I almost don’t remember your laughter, but I want to… I love you so much…. will that fade away as well? I don’t want to believe it.. I don’t want to believe I won’t remember… I can’t believe you are not here, you never got the chance to see me grow up… succeed… chase my dreams… you were never there to see me make my first decisions….you were never there to keep your promises…. you are not here… You were my guardian…. why did you have to leave me in this crazy world… It’s been so long and I’ve still haven’t got over your death, I still can’t accept it.. I know it’s naive to believe that you’ll show up here one day, I’ve been waiting for that for so long… I’ve believed for so long… I still do… It hurts so much that I’m forgetting your smile, laughter, voice and smell…I’m forgetting you… but that’s not my choice… no, I’ve never loved anyone so much in my life… I need you. I’ve always needed you… people blame me for not believing in god, but how can I have faith in God when he took you away from me? He took away the person who could’ve saved my soul… and now he’s taking away my memory… when it’s all I’ve left of you. HE CAN’T DO THIS!!! What happens when I forget? What happens when I loose my faith? I promised to myself I’d never forget, but I feel the pictures fading away… Why? why? I LOVE YOU. I can’t let you go and I don’t want to… Every time I hear your name it brings the pain back, I suffer…. I still don’t accept it, even though it’s been 8 years. It’s just not real to me, no…. I NEED YOU! I FUCKING NEED YOU! I feel so helpless….What is worst? I still don’t know what happened.. I just know the ruthless way they found his body, I don’t know what really happened. And that fucking bitch destroyed him.. and now she married another man. What if she didn’t hurt him that way? Maybe he’d be here right now, calling me to go out for pizza. Maybe he’d be here to tell me how silly my hair looks… maybe he’d be here laughing as he used to… Maybe he’d tell me what to do  like he always did…maybe he’d even hug me and keep me real close like he used to… It’s just too hard… .I’m crying as I write this, because I don’t want to forget. I don’t.  If I had just one wish, I would give anything to see him one more time, have a chance to tell him how much I love him and hear his voice again… I would give anything for just 2 minutes… for something…

If I just knew what happened, I maybe could let it go… If it was a suicide I could be mad at you for leaving me… I could hate you for choosing that way. If it wasn’t – I could search for the guilty, I could….

the truth? i tried as hard as i could. i took as much as i could take. i put up with all i could. and it still wasn’t enough.

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R.I.P.  ❤ always love you.

“Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try.”

Hey, everyone. I know I haven’t posted anything for a while now, but I just needed to clear my head… I have so much to say… So this post consists of 2 parts, in part 1 I talk about what’s happening in my life, about my dreams, and my goals etc. but part 2 is philosophical – as usual – about changes [this time I suggest them]… so if you don’t care about my life and what’s on my mind, you might as well skip part 1. 🙂

[part 1]

So remember my post “impatience” ? Well, everything worked out for me. So I am an example how everything and anything that seems impossible can easily become your reality, it just depends on how determined you are…I was doing everything I can to achieve this….and now all the crazy and unreachable dreams of mine are a step or two closer…in a very reachable way… So I know what I have to do now…and what I’m going to do now… I’ve never been more sure… Let me to introduce you to my new lifestyle

First of all after I reach one goal, I will chose and go for another, because that way I keep my life full of challenges…and I keep on developing myself..Now that I’ve reached this, I have time until september to lose 16lbs(8kg), and I can do it, I know it, I will run 1,8miles (3km) every day, plus I will eat more healthy. (btw check out this diet plan – it is TOTALLY WORKING, I swear – DUKAN DIET ) you don’t have to pay the money though, I can email you a free ebook of the diet plan if you need. 🙂 just post below your e-mail, and I’ll send it to you within 24 hours. 🙂

Secondly, starting with june 10th I will work on becoming more organized, I’ll never leave anything to the last moment..Next year I’m going to be a straight-A-student , plus I’ll learn Spanish.

At last, but not least – as soon as I finish my current goal plan (what I’ve mentioned above) ” ready for the IB” – I will set the next goal…and with every step I go – I will get closer to feeling good about myself, my abilities, my achievements and success… I will be the person I’ve always wanted to be – the best me.

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[part 2]

This time I’m not here to talk about self-acceptance or self-belief, no, I’m here to talk about fulfilling yourself.. We try to tell everyone that you are happy the way you are, you even try to convince yourself…Then in the “rainy” days, you realize that you’re unhappy, you don’t feel as beautiful as you claim to be… But what we never realize is that those “rainy” days are gifts from above… those are the times you should finally realize- that you need to change something… It’s hard to change your little habits, little flaws… but change your whole life.. .your lifestyle… Dare to be someone else in order to find yourself.. Dress as if you were the only person in the world, sing as if you were the only person in the room, dance as if nobody was watching, laugh as if nobody was hurting you…Dare to be crazy and outgoing….Dare to be quiet and reserved…Dare to be self-confident and emphatic…Dare to be the opposite to the every day you… Look at the small things…think about the details…be a perfectionist…Cause every self-loving woman needs to feel as graceful as a movie star, as beautiful as a supermodel and as happy as person in love…because if you don’t love yourself, nobody will love you…You don’t need to loose those pounds because of someone else, no, you need to loose them if YOU yourself feel like it…you don’t need to be an athlete because someone else wants you to be one, you must want to be one yourself… that is the secret- DO WHAT YOU WAN’T TO DO, INSTEAD OF WHAT OTHERS THINK YOU HAVE TO DO! – that’s the secret for happiness.

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p.s. I have a question… Do you want me to post my progress on losing weight? I guarantee tips that are cheap ( the cost of food) , I’ll give the e-books for free etc. 🙂 Do you think it’s necessary? Please answer below. 🙂 

-Jenn*

“do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.”

The neverendless question – how to achieve the best? how to earn the biggest money? how to live the fullest life? …and today I’m here to tell you my interpretation of the particular answer..

Let me as always begin with the problem of ours- we’re all paranoid… no,no,I’m not – that’s what you are probably thinking now… Today I’ll talk about who I mean while using such a strong word – “all”. I got to admit I’m one of those person’s who really cares about financial, physical and mental safety… yes, I do… See I’m paranoid…why? Because I’m going down a path were the grass isn’t growing anymore…way too many people have done the same thing befoe me…and many will follow…If you look closely at the people who are on top of their game, they’re all revolutionists…they have made something out of nothing… but we’re keeping something of something alive… as if that was needed… See Albert Einstein used to say “Any idea that does not seem crazy at first, is worth nothing at all” and that is true… I guess the reason why many people chose  “the safety path” is because they care too much of what others think of them…that’s the way world is now..there’s nothing you can do to change the world, you can be one of the “crazy” person’s who make a change in their own lifes. So the other day I was watching E! True Hollywood story (I don’t remember of whom), there was a man who said words that are stuck in my head – “See the thing is, many people come to Hollywood to become famous, therefore only few of them understand what it means” .. and I believe that this sentence is true in so many ways… because you can’t reach the top if you are aiming for the biggest salary… you have to make your job worth the biggest salary first, because if someone else does it- he recieves it… and that is the simple secret why people can’t be at the very top… See I believe in this case there’re 3 kinds of people:

1) People who have no remarkable idea’s, because they have assumed that the ones they have thought of are not good enough… See their biggest problems are  

               a) They don’t believe they’re good enough to achieve something in life. WHY? One reason may be that they have some self-confidence issue, which is oftenly obtained in school, where teachers are not doing enough to put “the bad boys” on the row…

              b)They are lazy and are not ready to put a hard work in a process they believe is impossible to become something bright… see from this one there comes another problem- they are afraid of the thoughts of the others…

             c) They never achieve something more than “average citizen” … some people are happy this way – then they are doing nothing wrong, therefore, the ones who are unhappy living this life may rethink their values 🙂 ..

2) People who have good ieas but by somewhat reason they are afraid to develop it…their biggest issues are

             a)  they are afraid of failure… but they fail anyways…because fear is the biggest failure

             b) they know they can achieve everything if they had a little more of that…little more of this… so they give up after a while

3)People who have good ideas, they invest all they have into developing the idea, later getting back what they had never imagined.

So basically THE SECRET is walking a path no one has walked before instead of blindly following something many people have done before you… And at the end the easiest is what first seems hardest.. because creating something absolutely new is way easier than trying to discover a new America in a place with population over 2 000 000 people. Be creative, produce ideas and never fear developing them! 🙂

“we are new every day”

“Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now (wish right now, wish right now)”

So often we hear people wishing they could start something over, redo a situation….relive a moment….replay a memory….remember the feelings…recall the words…Wishing upon a star, desperately wanting to see a better day, to live a new life…to be a different person…We would like to delete the bad from our past and make it better…we would like to save something that was meant to be saved…we want to take our words back and keep our heads high… we would want to be the ones to tell others: “Don’t worry, dear, it’ll be better”…how much would it mean to us to have one more chance to say something that has been left unsaid…to do something that has been left undone….believe someone who has been right all along…to listen to someone who has been left ignored…Have you never wondered where are people who used to be your everything now?Have you never wanted to go back to a time where you were different?..happier? Have you ever felt like everything is going wrong…and then have you wished you could just go back in time…. to make it better? Have you ever done something you had to regret… and you just wanted to make it so it had never happened?…so it was the way it was before? Have you ever said something to a person you love that made them leave you?…and then have you wished you could change they way the person felt about you now so you can move on?…live on? If you saw a shooting star would you wish your life to be different?..even little bit? If you know saw the person you hurt, would you say that you feel sorry for what had happened?…and then wish he forgave you?…If you know saw yourself long time ago, would you tell yourself to never do something that has had been done already in your life?…and then you changed? See the thing is, you don’t have to wish the time to go back or the words to be never said… you have to forget living for the past….live for today…and today what you are…. is….DAMN great…and that is all what matters…And when you know tomorrow YOU yourself you will be better…that is all that needs to be said…because… we are new every day.