all i’m asking is don’t make promises you can’t keep. and dont say things you don’t mean. cause in the end, those things mean everything.

” I will never forget you”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep”

“I’m not..”

“People always forget, it’s in their nature, you can’t change your nature”

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

Being close to someone is hard…when you loose them…You say you never will forget them and you really mean it…you cry for them, you miss them…. and you think you always will… I don’t want to forget! NO! I want to remember every second we spent together, I do. I miss every moment with you, I miss you so terribly. Why is this happening? Why? Why are my memories slowly fading away? No! I need to remember, I need to… This is just killing me… I feel how I can’t remember your smell anymore, I almost don’t remember your laughter, but I want to… I love you so much…. will that fade away as well? I don’t want to believe it.. I don’t want to believe I won’t remember… I can’t believe you are not here, you never got the chance to see me grow up… succeed… chase my dreams… you were never there to see me make my first decisions….you were never there to keep your promises…. you are not here… You were my guardian…. why did you have to leave me in this crazy world… It’s been so long and I’ve still haven’t got over your death, I still can’t accept it.. I know it’s naive to believe that you’ll show up here one day, I’ve been waiting for that for so long… I’ve believed for so long… I still do… It hurts so much that I’m forgetting your smile, laughter, voice and smell…I’m forgetting you… but that’s not my choice… no, I’ve never loved anyone so much in my life… I need you. I’ve always needed you… people blame me for not believing in god, but how can I have faith in God when he took you away from me? He took away the person who could’ve saved my soul… and now he’s taking away my memory… when it’s all I’ve left of you. HE CAN’T DO THIS!!! What happens when I forget? What happens when I loose my faith? I promised to myself I’d never forget, but I feel the pictures fading away… Why? why? I LOVE YOU. I can’t let you go and I don’t want to… Every time I hear your name it brings the pain back, I suffer…. I still don’t accept it, even though it’s been 8 years. It’s just not real to me, no…. I NEED YOU! I FUCKING NEED YOU! I feel so helpless….What is worst? I still don’t know what happened.. I just know the ruthless way they found his body, I don’t know what really happened. And that fucking bitch destroyed him.. and now she married another man. What if she didn’t hurt him that way? Maybe he’d be here right now, calling me to go out for pizza. Maybe he’d be here to tell me how silly my hair looks… maybe he’d be here laughing as he used to… Maybe he’d tell me what to do  like he always did…maybe he’d even hug me and keep me real close like he used to… It’s just too hard… .I’m crying as I write this, because I don’t want to forget. I don’t.  If I had just one wish, I would give anything to see him one more time, have a chance to tell him how much I love him and hear his voice again… I would give anything for just 2 minutes… for something…

If I just knew what happened, I maybe could let it go… If it was a suicide I could be mad at you for leaving me… I could hate you for choosing that way. If it wasn’t – I could search for the guilty, I could….

the truth? i tried as hard as i could. i took as much as i could take. i put up with all i could. and it still wasn’t enough.

_______________________

R.I.P.  ❤ always love you.

Advertisements

Music is what feelings sound like. ~author unknown

Hey everyone, today I am giving you something different, I am going to post my song-list of the songs that are good for several occassions and download links. Here they are

HEARTBREAK SONGS

–     everybody hurts  (R.E.M.) – because this song really let’s you cry out everything that you’re feeling.

http://beemp3.com/download.php?file=7910472&song=everybody+hurts

–     irreplacable (Beyonce) – that is the right attitude. (:

http://beemp3.com/download.php?file=7647560&song=Irreplaceable

–     the way I loved you (Selena Gomez & the Scene)

http://beemp3.com/download.php?file=8329635&song=The+Way+I+Loved+You

–     love hurts (Gram Parson)

http://beemp3.com/index.php?q=Gram+Parsons+love+hurts&st=all

–     fall to pieces (Velvet Revolver)

http://beemp3.com/download.php?file=7040392&song=Fall+To+Pieces

LOVE SONGS

–     I don’t wanna miss a thing (Aerosmith) – one of my favourite songs of all time

 http://beemp3.com/download.php?file=4662220&song=I+don%60t+Wanna+Miss+A+Thing

–     your song (Elthon John) – makes me cry every time (:

http://beemp3.com/download.php?file=8308471&song=Your+Song

–     everything I do (I do it for you) (Bryan Adams)

http://beemp3.com/download.php?file=8413972&song=Everything+I+Do+%28I+Do+It+For+Y

–      I’ll be right here waiting (wherever you go, whatever you do ) (Bryan Adams)

http://beemp3.com/download.php?file=7892639&song=I%27ll+Be+Right+Here+Waiting

–     come what may (Ewan McGregor & Nicole Kidman) – Moulin rouge ❤

http://beemp3.com/download.php?file=3424393&song=Come+What+May

–      this love ( Maroon 5) – don’t you just looove maroon5? I know, I do. heh. (:

http://beemp3.com/download.php?file=2500078&song=Maroon+5+-+This+Love

–     hero (Enrique Iglesias) – used to love that song too.

http://beemp3.com/download.php?file=8407588&song=Hero

–     always (Blink 182) – amazing band, great song,

http://beemp3.com/download.php?file=5163318&song=Always

LIFE SUCKS (music doesn’t)

–    boulevard of broken dreams (Green Day) – GD rocks..

http://beemp3.com/download.php?file=7591346&song=Boulevard+Of+Broken+Dreams

–     black keys (Jonas Brothers) – not a fan of that kind of music, but that song is allright. :))

http://beemp3.com/download.php?file=8246011&song=Jonas+Brothers+%27+Black+Keys+%27

–     untitled (Simple Plan)- this song is just priceless

http://beemp3.com/download.php?file=6282883&song=untitled

–     leave out all the rest (Linkin Park) – the IT band. (:

http://beemp3.com/download.php?file=3292986&song=Leave+Out+All+The+Rest

CONFUSION SONGS

–      crawl (Chris Brown)

http://beemp3.com/download.php?file=7868762&song=Crawl

–     coming clean (Green Day) – here is more GD, believe me, this is not the last one..

http://beemp3.com/download.php?file=8412827&song=Coming+Clean

–   how soon is now? (The Smiths)  

 http://beemp3.com/download.php?file=2165253&song=How+Soon+Is+Now

SADNESS SONGS  (when somebody dies/leaves you)

–     when you’re gone (Avril Lavigne) – the lyrics are great, but the singing disturbs a bit

http://beemp3.com/download.php?file=7671862&song=When+You%27re+Gone

–     daddy’s little girl (Frankie J)- this song is one of the best I’ve ever heard

couldn’t find a place to download it, but you can watch it right there (that song is really priceless, amazing)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y5aTwvWEQD8&feature=player_embedded

–     Slipped away (Avril Lavigne)- again, the lyrics is the reason why this song is here

–     the last song (Elthon John)

–     tears in heaven (Eric Clapton)

__

if you have any questions, suggestions or anything else write in a comment section or write me heywhatsupitsjenn@inbox.lv

just wondering

You know, there is one thing I hate about people- that some people feel so offended when there’s just no reason.  I just can’t handle that, I get soo angry. Cause why should I apologize for something you make up in your mind yourself? C’mon you can’t always be right and you have to admit it, not feel so offended and not talk to someone just because you’re not feeling well. You know what? FUCK YOU! I don’t need persons, who can’t even stay real, they have to make an elephant out of little fly.. They make it up and tell everyone their story, and you’re the bad one. Haha, those people are just plain assholes.

“I realize I’m in one of those stages where I’m mad at the world…It’s like I’m daring the world to push me off a cliff…just to see if I can fly.”

I feel like I am finally coming to my senses. They always try to make it to look like I’m the bad one, the one who doesn’t understand, doesn’t care. And I used to believe it, cause I just didn’t know who I am, but now I do, now I know that I was always wrong in a right way. Cause, actually, I’m the only one that does care, the only one who does understand! Now, isn’t that just silly? It appears that actually everybody was lying to me, to themselves, but now I know, I’m right. So that’s enough I’m not letting anyone to step on my head anymore, I am not letting people to take advantage of me, cause I’m so done with that. Yes, I’m mad, but I will not show that, cause it just doesn’t matter. Yes, I know I’m right, but I won’t tell, cause it’s just easier. Yes, I know that I can’t live like this, but I have to, cause apparently, some people just have to live like that, even though they deserve better. But just wait, cause one day, one day I will help all the people who have to live this way, I’m going to destroy, mentally destroy people who make everybody believe that they are innocent, while they are actually killing others WHO ARE innocent. What’s up with those people? How can they be so false and so evil[ish] and everybody thinks they are great, friendly and amazing? What the hell is happening to the world? We just don’t see clearly anymore. We just don’t. And I know, yes, I am angry at the whole world now, but I like to dare it to kill me, cause it just can’t, I”m way too smart for that. I’m way too mature for that. And soon everybody who is not, will be, cause I’m not just letting the world to destroy itself!

This silence hurts me more than anything you could say

We’ve been here for a while now,

Not talking for days in a row.

I’m ready to hear what you feel,

About all the problems you deal.

This silence is killing me,

letting me wonder how we could be.

I guess the words that are left unsaid,

In a story will be read;

Happilly never after,

feeling’s that do not matter.

You have to say something,

It’s better than leavin’ me with nothing.

We once used to be together,

Now without me you feel better..

How did the feelings change?

What for will you revenge?

I’m feeling you slip away,

Further day by day.

I know you want me to let go,

I love you, that’s why I’ll do so.

Love is feeling that you can’t take from me,

Without me you say you’ll be happier, well you better be.

So this is odd, the painful realization that has all gone wrong… And nobody cares at all…

You know, it’s hard enough when you have no relationship with your father, but when your mother bails on you… I feel like dying inside. I hate my life, I hate my everything. How is this even fair?

Am I some kind of slave? Why does everyone think that my life is so easy. wanna hear my day?

I wake up. I go to school. I study. I come home. I study. you know the whole AP thing is not helping. 

I just didn’t clean the citchen, cause I was so tired, I couldn’t stand- and now… well, I’ll tell you what’s now – When I tryed to take and read the newest magazine , she said: Those are mine.  I can’t touch anything in this house now, and I can’t go anywhere..

My sister does nothing, but annoying me.. on purpose… my dad, well, he just doesn’t give a shit about me, and my mom now doesn’t care either.

why?

Cause I’m the stupid -i don’t know what’ , that does nothing, but eat, yell, eat, yell and get carpooled to school (my mom said that sentence) – well, maybe I should give them a reward?

FUCK YOU ALL. I’m tired with trying to apologize, for  what I’m not even that guilty. I’m sick of crying myself to sleep, cause my life is miserable, I’m fucking done with trying to please anyone- cause I don’t need them, I don’t fucking give a shit anymore…

Is wanting a family that wants you is too much to ask for? What have I done so so wrong, to deserve life like this? why can’t I have something, something to chose from – I don’t have anyone I can relay on. I seriously, have no idea what to do now… I’m just feeling broken inside, I feel that I’m bleeding, and my tears are running down my cheeks to tell me one more time that  I have nothing left.

 

Cause I could go to my grandma’s , but then a new scandal will come, and they live too close to home. I need to get away, I need something, somewhere to go…. I don’t know what to do… all I know is I have no one who cares…….