How to : fuck up your life before turning 18

So, this is actually an older post of mine from a different blog, but I decided that it was worth improving and re-posting. It is still, however, a bit exaggerated, but the topic deserves so much attention, because the adolescents … Continue reading

“After all of my running… I’m finally coming…Home “

She was an extraordinary girl. She had always enjoyed traveling, the further she went, the more she felt at home. They say home is where the heart is and in her home-land her heart had been shattered in million pieces … Continue reading

Loneliness is a bitch

Why is it that all women ever talk about anymore is men? Even when alone, we play out these incredibly beautiful scenarios in our heads, making it almost impossible for anyone to meet our expectations. It’s not that I’m expecting … Continue reading

A middle aged adolescent

Although most of middle aged people would still call me a child, I beg to differ. I am at, what I believe is one of the toughest ages to be at, when you have to make decisions that will affect … Continue reading

I have found that if you love life, life will love you back.

I never quite understood why they say that opposites attract, because in my experience I’ve noticed a tendency of attitude to attract similar attitude, a person to attract a similar person. I think that these “opposites attract” cases are just … Continue reading

Think you’re escaping and run into yourself. Longest way round is the shortest way home.

Seems to me people are always searching for second chances and ways to start over new. It’s gotten to a point where some people go under the knife to revert the consequences of a night or several they no longer … Continue reading

One shoe doesn’t fit everyone.

I wanted to open up with you and tell you the story of how I went against what is believed to be right, only to find myself in the best place I’ve been in yet. Society is full of what … Continue reading

Inhaling the breath of Barcelona

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From the minute I stepped my foot in the city of Barcelona, I felt that I was there to fall in love. Not necessarily with a good looking Spanish man this time, but the city itself. I felt something magical … Continue reading

The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.

Have you ever thought about what is the music of your heart? What are the things that help you to get through the hopeless nights? What tells your friends you need awakening?

See, tears are the eyes of the soul.You have to open your eyes to see clear. I don’t quite get why crying is considered bad, it’s beautiful. It’s the most honest thing in the World, the most truthful emotion person can have. Don’t condemn them, admire them, guard them and spread them for the right reasons.

Putting tears in one category is unfair, cause it’s so much more than just one emotion. Tears include so much emotion – love, caring about something or someone, sadness, happiness, pride, betrayal, belief, disappointment – and these are just few of them.

Why do people watch sad movies? Because the feeling after crying your soul out is refreshing and priceless. The enlightenment you feel after realized what the deep moral was, the appreciation for what you have instead of wining about what you’re lacking. Even the part when you feel sorry for yourself – it’s beautiful. You’re beautiful when you cry, you’re sincere, you’re amazingly beautiful.

Tears are a part of being sorry for thyself but it’s OK, cause no one else will. Look them in the eyes and don’t fear crying. No, it doesn’t mean you’re weak, it means you’ve been strong for too long. No one should ever in their lives apologize for crying. No. Crying is the beauty sleep for the soul. It breaks you, shapes you and shakes you.

Dare to cry. Dare to be honest and true. Dare to cry for the ones who are in need, cry for those who are alone and lonely, cry for those who lost it all, cry for yourself. Be selfish. Love. And tears are an essential part of love. And they are beautiful. They prove your affection. They prove your repentance.

Your eyes are the mirror of your soul, don’t let it be false, wash the window, darling, to see me brighter. Wash the mirror to see yourself more clearly. Use the eyes of the soul to look in the mirror. Look yourself in the eye and be proud, be proud of every tear you’ve shed, be proud of every mistake you have made, be proud for every sin you have done. Love everything you do. Shed a tear for that too.

 

You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel.

I know I haven’t been writing for a while now and that is maybe because I’ve spent last 2 months pretty much just locking myself out of this reality… I am just relaxing and not thinking about anything…. what a waste of time huh? but when actually this is just a silence before the storm… I haven’t even been myself in last few posts huh? My blog suddenly shows that my life has become this wonderful place when it’s really not. Lie after lie… I lie to myself… I tell you it’s okay, I lie…But I only do that because I am trying to believe that lie myself. It’s easier to believe I’m fine than talk it out when nobody really cares… It’s easier to cry it out when nobody ever hears… It is so easy…. so easy… until it’s not anymore… til it becomes a nightmare chasing you in your own dreams… til it becomes reality you can’t escape by lying to them all… What difference will there be if nothing has changed til this day? What reason is there to talk if it always ends up the same? How do you say,what you’re feeling, out loud when really there is just pain. How do you make them realize that nothing is ever fine. How do you make them see – there’s nothing besides pain. You close your eyes and you fly… you close your eyes and you love… you close your eyes and you’re alive… You close your eyes to be alright. But when you close your eyes a tear falls… and another follows… you don’t control it anymore.. it’s not alright.. it’s not fInE. IT’S NOT OKAY. You start yelling… you yell.. you scream.. and then you stop.. just for a second you stop… it goes through your head, like a movie that’s been put together of all the memories that have made you cry… You see how it has never been good… you see how all he’s done is hurt you… you see that it has been that way ever since you were a kid… You see the conversations you’ve had… you see how he has always made you cry.. You see how you’ve waited til the day you’d get away… you see it all…. it takes a while to realize… you are not there… you never were… you never will… you realize you don’t really care where you’re going to… as long as it’s further away from home… you see how people think what it’s like to be in your shoes.. when they really don’t see the truth… so you live the lie… you live the masquerade… and sit there silent… like if you were held in hostage…. no not like.. you are… and you can’t get away… never could… but you know that soon you will be ready… and soon you can… You think of the day you can tell him that’s over.. no more hurting you… no more making you cry… you sit quietly and wait for the day… for the day he realizes he screwed it all up… for the day he’ll realize he has hurt you… you close your eyes and you think of that day…. and suddenly you fall asleep thinking that soon… soon you will be okay…that soon you’ll fly away from this nightmare that has taken over your life… and then… then… then it really is alright…. not because you have closed your eyes… but you have closed your heart on him.