“After all of my running… I’m finally coming…Home “

She was an extraordinary girl. She had always enjoyed traveling, the further she went, the more she felt at home. They say home is where the heart is and in her home-land her heart had been shattered in million pieces … Continue reading

I have found that if you love life, life will love you back.

I never quite understood why they say that opposites attract, because in my experience I’ve noticed a tendency of attitude to attract similar attitude, a person to attract a similar person. I think that these “opposites attract” cases are just … Continue reading

all i’m asking is don’t make promises you can’t keep. and dont say things you don’t mean. cause in the end, those things mean everything.

” I will never forget you”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep”

“I’m not..”

“People always forget, it’s in their nature, you can’t change your nature”

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Being close to someone is hard…when you loose them…You say you never will forget them and you really mean it…you cry for them, you miss them…. and you think you always will… I don’t want to forget! NO! I want to remember every second we spent together, I do. I miss every moment with you, I miss you so terribly. Why is this happening? Why? Why are my memories slowly fading away? No! I need to remember, I need to… This is just killing me… I feel how I can’t remember your smell anymore, I almost don’t remember your laughter, but I want to… I love you so much…. will that fade away as well? I don’t want to believe it.. I don’t want to believe I won’t remember… I can’t believe you are not here, you never got the chance to see me grow up… succeed… chase my dreams… you were never there to see me make my first decisions….you were never there to keep your promises…. you are not here… You were my guardian…. why did you have to leave me in this crazy world… It’s been so long and I’ve still haven’t got over your death, I still can’t accept it.. I know it’s naive to believe that you’ll show up here one day, I’ve been waiting for that for so long… I’ve believed for so long… I still do… It hurts so much that I’m forgetting your smile, laughter, voice and smell…I’m forgetting you… but that’s not my choice… no, I’ve never loved anyone so much in my life… I need you. I’ve always needed you… people blame me for not believing in god, but how can I have faith in God when he took you away from me? He took away the person who could’ve saved my soul… and now he’s taking away my memory… when it’s all I’ve left of you. HE CAN’T DO THIS!!! What happens when I forget? What happens when I loose my faith? I promised to myself I’d never forget, but I feel the pictures fading away… Why? why? I LOVE YOU. I can’t let you go and I don’t want to… Every time I hear your name it brings the pain back, I suffer…. I still don’t accept it, even though it’s been 8 years. It’s just not real to me, no…. I NEED YOU! I FUCKING NEED YOU! I feel so helpless….What is worst? I still don’t know what happened.. I just know the ruthless way they found his body, I don’t know what really happened. And that fucking bitch destroyed him.. and now she married another man. What if she didn’t hurt him that way? Maybe he’d be here right now, calling me to go out for pizza. Maybe he’d be here to tell me how silly my hair looks… maybe he’d be here laughing as he used to… Maybe he’d tell me what to do  like he always did…maybe he’d even hug me and keep me real close like he used to… It’s just too hard… .I’m crying as I write this, because I don’t want to forget. I don’t.  If I had just one wish, I would give anything to see him one more time, have a chance to tell him how much I love him and hear his voice again… I would give anything for just 2 minutes… for something…

If I just knew what happened, I maybe could let it go… If it was a suicide I could be mad at you for leaving me… I could hate you for choosing that way. If it wasn’t – I could search for the guilty, I could….

the truth? i tried as hard as i could. i took as much as i could take. i put up with all i could. and it still wasn’t enough.

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R.I.P.  ❤ always love you.

A glimpse of inspiration.

Hi. Some of you may have noticed that I kinda like quotations. Well, I’m going to share my favourite quotes on love,life,  heartbreak, friendship and happiness.

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You know, I don’t think I’ll ever be happy. Wherever I am, I’ll wish I’m somewhere else. Whatever I have, I’ll want something different.

I try to laugh about it, cover it all up with lies. I try to laugh about it, hiding the tears in my eyes

I didn’t wanna be that girl that cries herself to sleep…

Never forget what people say when they’re mad, cuz thats when the truth comes out…

I just want to feel safe in my own skin; I just want to be happy again. I just want to feel deep in my own world. But I’m so lonely I don’t even want to be with myself anymore

Your life is made up of years that mean nothing, and moments that mean it all.

Sometimes in life you wish for everything, then there comes a moment when you stop wishing. Its not because you got what you wanted, but  because you finally accepted that not all wishes can come true.

You’re everything I never knew I always wanted

You ask me what’s wrong and I say nothing, but as a tear falls, I say everything

The pain is there to remind me that I’m still alive

Behind this smile is everything you’ll never understand

Smile. It’s easier than explaining why you’re sad

I know it seems like I’m this strong person who can get through anything, but inside I’m fragile. I’ve had so many things thrown at me, and each one has only made a crack. What I’m afraid of is shatteringI thought somebody would notice, I thought somebody would say something…

I could pretend that I’m not dying inside, but just so you know… I am.

As we grow older, it gets harder to believe. It’s not that we don’t want to but too much has happened and we can’t.

Don’t fall into the trap of pretending everything is okay when you know it’s not.

When I hear somebody sigh, “Life is hard,” I am always tempted to ask, “Compared to what?”

Live every act fully, as if it were your last.

 you desire to know the art of living, my friend? It is contained in one phrase: make use of suffering.

There has been much tragedy in my life; at least half of it actually happened.

I don’t want to get to the end of my life and find that I lived just the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well.

Listen, are you breathing just a little and calling it a life?

may my heart always be open to little birds who are the secrets of livin

 Promise yourself to live your life as a revolution and not just a process of evolution.

 

 

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These are quotes of January, I’ll post more at the beggining of February 

This silence hurts me more than anything you could say

We’ve been here for a while now,

Not talking for days in a row.

I’m ready to hear what you feel,

About all the problems you deal.

This silence is killing me,

letting me wonder how we could be.

I guess the words that are left unsaid,

In a story will be read;

Happilly never after,

feeling’s that do not matter.

You have to say something,

It’s better than leavin’ me with nothing.

We once used to be together,

Now without me you feel better..

How did the feelings change?

What for will you revenge?

I’m feeling you slip away,

Further day by day.

I know you want me to let go,

I love you, that’s why I’ll do so.

Love is feeling that you can’t take from me,

Without me you say you’ll be happier, well you better be.

She’s been everybody else’s girl…maybe one day she’ll be her own

There are so many people that live for others, they care only about what others think. They go trough their lives with many eyes admiring them, while loosing themselves. Yes, they are popular, yes, they are admired- but the person people admire is slowly fading away… trying to escape that hell. I’m not saying that good looks don’t matter- but I think- what’s the good about bon-bon that looks good on the outside, but tastes like crap? I mean, walking-breathing doll, too cool to care about others, too busy to be with the ones who was with them while they were still humans, too fake to even know what’s real… a walking barbie-doll…. She’s been with every cool guy, she’s friends with every cool girl, she gets everything she wants… she gets enough of everything, everyone gets enough of her… but she will never be her own… The truth is she doesn’t know herself who she is.. and she never will… she’s just going trough her life on those high heels thinking she’s perfectly fine, when truth is – the deepest seas of her soul are falling apart, tearing up inside.. Where is she? Where is the girl she used to be? There’s only plastic doll walking upon me.

We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand…and melting like a snowflake. Let us use it before it is too late.

Time… Time is a huge term, but we- people… we divide it in many small pieces- past, present and future.. but who the hell are we to do such thing? Time is one unit… we have only what’s here, everything else is just made up so that we can destroy ourselves with remembering the past and thinking about the future… We never appreciate what we have, cause we remember what we had and dream about what we could have in the future – tell me, why? Cause life is just a game now… At this point, it’s all about surviving. We all are just a little part of Everything, we are one simple atom in the whole process..

Yesterday, today, tommorrow- why? I have today! I want to just be here, isn’t taking one step at a time hard enough?  I wish I had a memory like a hamster- 2 seconds and life goes on.. No hurt feelings, no broken hearts, no problems- just run around in your cage and think.. for whole 2 seconds- doesn’t that sound nice?

Or maybe, just maybe I could get out of life and be a pacer for some time… just sit behind and watch the life around me go on..

Time… time is a catastrophe in the way we have learned to use it – – the bomb counts down, the aging happens – if we had just today, we’d live the life so much better.. but well.. life sucks and then you die.

You ask me, how am I? Well I’m still standing, aren’t I? That’s something, that’s one thing that’s gone my way…

Walls are closing in, I feel like I’m going to die, I don’t know why, but everything’s going wrong. I’m always too late for something, I always miss what’s important- I don’t know how to live, I don’t know what it is to live. I want to just pull myself together and forget about them all, I’m tired of hearing that I can’t, cause I know myself- I can reach out for the  stars, I can wave my hands and fly, in my dreams. I don’t need to hear how stupid, dumb, immature, weird etc. I am – cause I know that, I’ve been listening to all those things for my whole life. But you know what ? I’m done with it!! I’m done with trying to please others, I’m done with trying to step forward- I don’t need it. I can do it for myself, and I don’t have to tell anyone. I’m fine on my own, cause everyone else seems to be making me cry. I’m tired…. I’m.. I’m… Nothing’s going my way… well, but I’m standing aren’t I? That’s one thing that has gone my way.

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next posts will go under a section called ‘imagine’, that means  that I read a quote, I love it and I write what comes on my mind when I read it. 🙂

oh and btw. for my sunshine: